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My girlfriend sleeps with her mouth open. So, when I go to bed later than her and she's already asleep, I put some food in her mouth. It's hilarious. She's always totally confused the next day. I always tell her that she ate while sleeping.
Sorry babe, I'll tell you the truth when we get married.
#food #hilarious #joke #secret #girlfriend #funny #confession
Do you know who wants to be a millionaire?
A friend of mine was a candidate in this show and I was one of his telephone joker. And yes, I was called.
I knew the answer but I told him the wrong answer on purpose because I didn't want him to be richer than me.
I (male) hacked the email account of a friend of mine (female) and played some jokes there (I hid some of her emails, deleted some others and stuff like that) and I saw that she wrote behind my name 'hot'.
I am going to call her tomorrow. :)
I pulled a rather nasty joke on my brother...
Recently the temperature's have falling quite a bit where I live. At night, we have sub zero temperatures.
My brother was at his girlfriend's house for the last few days, so me and a friend of mine decided to prank him.
He has a big waterbed in his room and he always likes to tell me that he loves his bed more than me.
So, we decided to open all 3 windows in his room and turn off the radiator.
As I said, it gets really fucking cold at night. He was gone for two more days and when he came home, he found one big bloc of ice in his room aka his former bed.
I am sorry bro that you had to sleep on the couch for 4 days straight until your bed has thawed.
I've called the Alcoholics Anonymous and asked them which wine would match perfectly to fish.
They didn't answer me.
As a kid, I loved to call a taxi or order a pizza and tell them the address of one of my neighbours or of someone I don't like.
I made a 'Your mom's so dumb and fat...' joke to a kid whose mom died.
I feel terrible.
I made a pass on a married woman. It was just for fun but she wants to get divorced now.
I feel bad. :(
One time in school, some kid left his computer on during lunch break. Without hesitation, I searched up “furry hentai”, found the worst image I could find, and made it his desktop background. I also hid several other pictures in various folders just for the hell of it.
#funny #joke #computer #background
Every time I am bored I go to my local music shop and switch all the CDs and DVDs into other packagings.
keep it in mind that many of these youtubers make videos 20 years ago and put them on private and upload the video as if its new today or whatever when it was made a long time ago and just cuz they have an american or english accent doesn't mean they are not from africa or australia or somewhere else because people will like others from other nations and if they put their real names and locations and ages you might get a real shock and people wouldn't like them if they really knew were they lived and who they are. and they dont age as well as healthy people do who live quieter better private lives. cuz they show off their wealth and people will only pay them back for it and while the rest of us have been living without our means in a good wholesome modest way they have not.
I used to call dominoes and ask for them to deliver a pizza hutt. I thought it was funny. One day a dominoes driver said ok. He ordered and delivered a pizza hutt for me. I tripped that guy $20. Was that wrong?
I yell endless jokes. This includes making fun of things from every culture. This means I need to be canceled, but I do it anyways. If I go in an Asian restaurant I order Mexican food. If I’m in a Mexican restaurant I order German food. I can’t stop being socially disfunctional, and I love it. I also make up words and intentionally misspell words.
I love it if people can’t fight my logic, so they attack my poor grammar. This brings me great joy. I also like to tell them I have a big dick and am great in bed. 100% true. So what his will cause them mental constipation too. I used to annoy annoying teachers endlessly. Eventually they’d give up. But I was nice to nice teachers.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, he’s cheated on me multiple times and I’m still with him I know what you’ll be thinking (stupid bitch) but the jokes on him because I slept with his hot best friend and he doesn’t know!!
My wife put one of those safe driver chips in my car. I started hearing you go too fast in one stretch. Then ride the breaks. I was speeding up for hills. Then riding the breaks down the steep hills.
Oh you slam on breaks. I drive into rural mountains with lots of deer.
So I now take the chip off when I must go up & down those roads. Then put it in for the other roads. On those roads I go 40-45 in a 65-70 if I’m alone in the old car. Don’t want a rear end with kids in car.
So now she’s like you don’t drive as much anymore. But you don’t speed or ride the breaks anymore. They say your going too slow sometimes. I do speeed up if I see cops.
Well now I’m unplug my battery. Then hook it back up. That triggers my good alarm system. I’m not sure; but it may damage that little chip. Because this is the second time they’ve asked us to mail it to them.
My wife says she’s just taking the chip off my car. She’ll leave it on hers. Yes. That was my plan.
Hey, I never stop. I will annoy you to no end.
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