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As a child, I occasionally went to my neighbours on the evening and turned on the light of their car. It was a very old one, so it was never locked.
The next day I waited for the fight which would occur. She insulted him because he had let the lights on - again.
Hihihi.
I recently got tricked into going to my cousin’s wedding after party. I’m not into weddings, don’t get all the fuss over it and see it as a waste of money and sanity. Of course, strange things happen at them. Occasionally, something good.
My cousin and I are not close and rarely see each other. We’re polar opposites but have nothing in common. We do now. His new wife. At the reception after party his wife came up to me to introduce herself as I rarely attend family functions. I figured it would be yet another meet and greet then onto the next person. Nope.
We started talking and she actually was interesting. She looked like a naive, young bimbo and I’ll freely admit I didn’t think much of her because she was with my Jughead looking cousin. I had more common interests with her than I ever did him. Or was it just her flirting her butt off?
Regardless, we slipped out back to have a more in depth discussion on a topic I actually take seriously. She starts in with the dirty talk. Woah is this girl drunk already, or does my cousin just suck like I assumed? Who cares. Grabs my crotch and starts nibbling on my ear. For once in my life I amazingly say nothing and just go with it.
She wasn’t drunk but I had feelings she was just curious as I’m often the mystery guy as i do my own thing and try to avoid anything nerve wracking. I seem to attract it, even when minding my own business out back.
She started kissing me and I kissed her strongly right back. Became a full blown make out session. She stops, licks her lips, smiles and says “I had to get that off my chest.” I just stare at her smirking. She says I’ll be back. I roll my eyes and am shaking my head trying not to laugh as she went back to the wedding table with my cousin.
Another cousin of mine I actually like came up and says what was that all about? I acted like I didn’t know what she meant. She said ****’’a new wife was all flirty. “Is she drunk -already?” I guess so. Just met the girl. She’s friendly.
i went back to my table out back and attempted to enjoy all the crappy, cheesy Coldplay and all the lovely CCR and Eminem without wanting to shoot myself, so I went outside to get some quiet. I went further around back as the smokers were dominating the front area.
Around back I saw one of the cute bridesmaids. Brief chitchat. She is definitely drunk and starts relaying how my cousins’ wife is a whore. I smiled. She then asked what made me smile. Oh just a hunch.
She then said she’ll pick one hot guy and screw his brains out. I asked is this is a common occurrence at weddings. She said oh yes and that they all screwed anyone they deemed fascinating or attractive. Seemed like a regular answer knowing how some people can be at weddings.
She then said that she saw her dressing me down at the reception. I rolled my eyes. She said I guarantee you’ll be inside her in some capacity before the night is over. She headed back inside beyond trashed. I just started laughing to myself. Man my cousin can sure pick them. Another cheating hoe supposedly in love with my yucky cus but cheating already.
I went back inside and there she was. Her dress now somehow became a skirt. Great legs, killer a** and a pretty nice rack. Well hello there. I smiled and walked back to my table: She followed. She starts asking a lot of questions. Beyond annoying. I said “do you want to get something more off your chest, or is that just commonplace for you?” She started giggling.
I smirked as I can’t smile like regular people amazingly can. She told me even though she loves my cousin and they’d known each other for years (she was his deceased wife’s close friend), that she loves meeting new people and she’s never seen me. I started thinking of the drunken bridesmaid’s comments. The load of bull this chick just gave me, but I’ll humor her. Let’s see where this goes.
She told me she wanted to f**k but there was no real way to do it, even though I could tell she was nervous. I said that there must be a basement or back door closet, why the hell not? She starts giggling and licking her lips. “You’re a naughty one, where’s he been keeping you?”
She went back to my cousin who per usual is trashed out of his mind. At least he had an excuse here. One of the few things he does well is get loaded and insult people.I look over in disgust. It wasn’t the slutty wife he just married who was much like his dead wife in that department, only she was actually attractive, but the drunken, skinny bigot she just married. What a joke.
I immediately started laughing and badly I must say. I sounded like the joker. I grabbed a beer and went back outside: I must’ve been out there a solid 20-25 minutes before I realized she was about 5 feet away from me grinning. I know that look. Fine by me I hate my loser cousin anyway and hey she started this, I’ll gladly finish.I did. Twice..
We found an old closet full of chairs and folding tables they used for functions at the hall. She went down on me and me her. We got it on, on an old tent type of surface. After I finished the first time we both started laughing. She got dressed and said “meet me back here in a couple hours, I want some more.”
I highly doubted that would happen again as in a couple hours she’s likely be in a hotel while my cousin slept it off. Wrong again. We met again back at the closet and hour and a half later and redux. Again, once more only this time against a wall.
I never saw her again in that capacity. It was as if she needed one last hurrah before she went off with my cus. Of course they were already married when I met her so perhaps I got a quality…
I change some of wikipedia's entries just to mess with people. Most of the facts and stuff I change stay like that.
I don't regret anything; it's you own fault when you believe everything which is written on wikipedia.
I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I'm a 28 year male. I honestly can't tell you why I'm writing any of this aside from the fact that I still think about what happened years ago and still want to do it again, unshamefully.
I was 12-14 at the time when all this happened and when I found out that masturbation was awesome. I loved finding myself and feeling something that was "forbidden" in my household. I come from a large family, lots of siblings and lots of reglion in the house, and it was difficult as the youngest son to find the time to sneak away and have a go with myself. But, one of my friends, a year younger than me that I met at church...go figure..., were hanging out playing video games and making jokes about everything under the sun. I can't remember who instigated it but, one of us mentioned how cool it would be to feel 'better' when we did what we do when no one is looking. Before we know it, we are playing with each other and trying to 'feel better'. We started by watching each other while we masturbating at first, it was a thrill and made us feel way better. Then we figured we would try with our mouths. It was the best feeling I had ever felt up till that point. Having someone else do the work and feel even more ecstasy than if I did it myself. One day, while at church, we found that the back part of one of the buildings with multiple classrooms was totally vacant and all the lights were out. We figured, why not? So we played around and took turns. When I "got there" he pulled back and got really mad because he thought I peed in his mouth.... I hadn't... it was the first time I had actually ejaculated. At the time I was excited and happy that I was maturing, but also scared because I loved the way it felt and how dangerous it was to do such a thing in a house of worship! Lol. We continued this for a few years, slowly developing into young men and having girlfriends, But we always had that to ourselves, our "feel better" time.
One day, he came over and as usual, we played video games and watched movies we loved. Of course, everyone goes to bed and it's just us, up late, talking, and he says,"You wanna try something different?" To which I got excited but confused. What could we do that we haven't done? He goes and gets a towel, some shampoo, and says,"Let's try something." Before I knew it, he was on his stomach with the towel under him and started putting shampoo between where his thighs met (gooch/taint). He says,"Just don't put it in me. Just through to legs, ok?" I cautiously kneel and, rockhard, place my manhood right where the shampoo was. It felt amazing... I came in less than 5 mins. I felt so amazing, it was rediculous. He said,"Was it good?" To which I responded,"Dude...amazing! You gotta try it!" I took his position, lathered up, and was ready. Same thing. He came really fast and we had a laugh at how we beat the "system" as teenagers lol.
Once again, this went on for a while, and were loving the fact that we had a way to make ourselves feel good and it still didn't break too many rules. After a few times of doing this we got together on the fateful night when we found out it could feel even better. We had the house to ourselves and he gave me the look. I go and grab a towel and some lotion, some kinds of shampoo made it burn sometimes, and came back to the room. We discuss who would go first and I lost the game of rock-scissors-paper, so I assumed the position. He asked if he could try something. I, hesitantly say yes, and he goes for my hole. Scared, excited, frighten, and invigorated, he slowly put it in. It burned a little but it felt strangely good. He pumped a few times and pulled out. I quickly, and as silently as I could, said,"You didn't come in me, did you?" He didnt. He was just as scared as I was and came on my ass. I was still invigorated and excited, he took the position. I wasn't planning on trying it at first cause I didn't want to hurt him but he insisted. So, I slowly put it in and it was the mouth times a million. As I am about to come 10 mins or so later, he says, weezing, "Do it, just do it in me." I did. It was the craziest and best feeling I had ever felt. I couldn't move. I just laid there throbbing inside him. We got up and cleaned ourselves. We didn't do this ever again after that. Not because we didn't want to, but because we became step brothers shortly after....
We don't see each other often, mainly holidays and family events. Neither of us mention it or even talk about it. I still wish I had that connection though. It's strange when you trust someone that much to not tell anyone about your secret dealings and recreational fun, but it still is a great memory, even if it's weird as all hell. Totally taboo yet, secretly, still an amazing life experience.
I think it's pretty funny watching other people fall. I also like it to see them suffering. I guess I don't have a sense of shame but I really don't miss it. You should also she the funny sides in life.
I'd like to confess that I pee in swimming pools. It's just such a relief to pee wherever you are standing. My dad and I do that for 15 years now and it's fun.
I am only able to fulfill my manly act if my girlfriend calls me "the machine".
#machine #manly #act #funny #confession
I'm a boy and ever since I had sex with another boy I've been wearing my sister's panties and stuff in secret. I don't really want to be a girl but think I look really cute in girls stuff. The older boys who like me, like me to wear um also
Back in the 5th grade, us guys goofed around and cut off the long hair of the girls. At that time, we really thought this would be funny. Now when I think about it ( I am 16 now ) it's not fun at all. Sorry girls, I didn't mean to!
It's cool that I can skinny dip with my step dad, but only when mom is not around. Nothing more than relaxing, building relations and trust. Nothing sexual. But I do feel nasty doing it. It is new, exciting, and I am curious to the ways of sex and nudity.
#chill #naked #stepdad #skinnydip #turnon #arousal #exciting #fun
I read every confession on this site. I should be working right now but I don't want to, it's just too damn funny.
#confession #work #funny #lazy
Every time my sister is bitchy or annoying, I spit on her pillow.
It satisfies me to know that she sleeps on that pillow without knowing anything.
A teacher of mine is an asshole. I only receive bad grades from him and that without cause.
My cat killed a mouse the other day and I decided to put it in his jacket pockets. He's running around all day long with a dead mouse in his pocket. Hilarious!
My girlfriend and I (m/30) have been together for around 10 years now. Her family is originally from Russia. Shortly, after we got together, she invited me to her birthday party with her family. Up until then, I never met her family or knew much about them. Of course I agreed to come and got her a nice present and some flowers for her mother. I actually thought that it would be a small and quiet celebration.
Oh boy, was I wrong.
When we pulled up to her parents' house, I was overwhelmed. It was (still is) a really big house with fine decour and everything. I got rather nervous that her family would not like me as they obviously were playing in another league than me.
So, it was a huge party and all her family from all around the country and from Russia came to celebrate. And as you might know, the Russians love their vodka. Everyone was very kind and everyone wanted to drink with me. As soon as my glass was empty, another relative came my way holding vodka shots. My girlfriend was very busy talking to everyone and did not notice what happened until it was too late.
So, we danced, we took shots, the food was amazing. Until I noticed that I wasn't feeling so well. I didn't make it back to the bathroom, but puked all over myself, the floor and some landed on my girlfriend's mother... I was mortified!
Somehow, my girlfriend, her mother and her aunt managed to get me into the bathtub and hosed me down. They got me a pyjama of my girlfriend's dad and they put me to bed.
The next morning when I woke up I felt horrible. I was utterly ashamed, but still went down for breakfast. Everyone still present was smirking and laughing at me, but it seemed everything in good fun. Her mother came up to me with a bottle of vodka shortly after and asked if I wanted to do some shots. I almost puked on her again.
So I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest before our wedding in June when I have to see her whole family again.
#girlfriend #russian #vodka #drunk #puked #embarrassing #family #celebration #party #bathroom #funny #ashamed #confession #wedding #russia
i have been havings sex with my work partner for over 9 years and he always gives me a AMAZING time!!!!!!!!!
#fun
I read about the seven deadly sins early; maybe you don't believe me but I haven't heard about them until some hours ago; and I think they're kinda interesting; very interesting!
I'm curious; what happens if one person commits all 7 sins?! Is he going to hell then??
I am not saying that I'm a very lazy person but most of these sins apply to me. I am greedy, I eat too much every day, I fucking love sex (could do it all the time) and I get angry really really fast.
2 days ago I beat up my little sister because she didn't want pay my pizza I ordered.
If I want to I even goof on her while her friends are with her; I just think it's so much fun messing with her and shit. And I have to say, I don't even feel guilty for it! She certainly would do the same with me if she got the chance.
So I'm going to hell then, huh?
#bully #confession #evilness #fun
I pulled a rather nasty joke on my brother...
Recently the temperature's have falling quite a bit where I live. At night, we have sub zero temperatures.
My brother was at his girlfriend's house for the last few days, so me and a friend of mine decided to prank him.
He has a big waterbed in his room and he always likes to tell me that he loves his bed more than me.
So, we decided to open all 3 windows in his room and turn off the radiator.
As I said, it gets really fucking cold at night. He was gone for two more days and when he came home, he found one big bloc of ice in his room aka his former bed.
I am sorry bro that you had to sleep on the couch for 4 days straight until your bed has thawed.
I've called the Alcoholics Anonymous and asked them which wine would match perfectly to fish.
They didn't answer me.
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