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I'd like to confess that I pee in swimming pools. It's just such a relief to pee wherever you are standing. My dad and I do that for 15 years now and it's fun.
Every time my sister is bitchy or annoying, I spit on her pillow.
It satisfies me to know that she sleeps on that pillow without knowing anything.
At the birthday party of my little sister (it was her 7th birthday) I put vodka into the bowle so the kids get funnier.
#alcohol #vodka #birthday #party #sister #bowle #kids #funny
I'm a 28 year male. I honestly can't tell you why I'm writing any of this aside from the fact that I still think about what happened years ago and still want to do it again, unshamefully.
I was 12-14 at the time when all this happened and when I found out that masturbation was awesome. I loved finding myself and feeling something that was "forbidden" in my household. I come from a large family, lots of siblings and lots of reglion in the house, and it was difficult as the youngest son to find the time to sneak away and have a go with myself. But, one of my friends, a year younger than me that I met at church...go figure..., were hanging out playing video games and making jokes about everything under the sun. I can't remember who instigated it but, one of us mentioned how cool it would be to feel 'better' when we did what we do when no one is looking. Before we know it, we are playing with each other and trying to 'feel better'. We started by watching each other while we masturbating at first, it was a thrill and made us feel way better. Then we figured we would try with our mouths. It was the best feeling I had ever felt up till that point. Having someone else do the work and feel even more ecstasy than if I did it myself. One day, while at church, we found that the back part of one of the buildings with multiple classrooms was totally vacant and all the lights were out. We figured, why not? So we played around and took turns. When I "got there" he pulled back and got really mad because he thought I peed in his mouth.... I hadn't... it was the first time I had actually ejaculated. At the time I was excited and happy that I was maturing, but also scared because I loved the way it felt and how dangerous it was to do such a thing in a house of worship! Lol. We continued this for a few years, slowly developing into young men and having girlfriends, But we always had that to ourselves, our "feel better" time.
One day, he came over and as usual, we played video games and watched movies we loved. Of course, everyone goes to bed and it's just us, up late, talking, and he says,"You wanna try something different?" To which I got excited but confused. What could we do that we haven't done? He goes and gets a towel, some shampoo, and says,"Let's try something." Before I knew it, he was on his stomach with the towel under him and started putting shampoo between where his thighs met (gooch/taint). He says,"Just don't put it in me. Just through to legs, ok?" I cautiously kneel and, rockhard, place my manhood right where the shampoo was. It felt amazing... I came in less than 5 mins. I felt so amazing, it was rediculous. He said,"Was it good?" To which I responded,"Dude...amazing! You gotta try it!" I took his position, lathered up, and was ready. Same thing. He came really fast and we had a laugh at how we beat the "system" as teenagers lol.
Once again, this went on for a while, and were loving the fact that we had a way to make ourselves feel good and it still didn't break too many rules. After a few times of doing this we got together on the fateful night when we found out it could feel even better. We had the house to ourselves and he gave me the look. I go and grab a towel and some lotion, some kinds of shampoo made it burn sometimes, and came back to the room. We discuss who would go first and I lost the game of rock-scissors-paper, so I assumed the position. He asked if he could try something. I, hesitantly say yes, and he goes for my hole. Scared, excited, frighten, and invigorated, he slowly put it in. It burned a little but it felt strangely good. He pumped a few times and pulled out. I quickly, and as silently as I could, said,"You didn't come in me, did you?" He didnt. He was just as scared as I was and came on my ass. I was still invigorated and excited, he took the position. I wasn't planning on trying it at first cause I didn't want to hurt him but he insisted. So, I slowly put it in and it was the mouth times a million. As I am about to come 10 mins or so later, he says, weezing, "Do it, just do it in me." I did. It was the craziest and best feeling I had ever felt. I couldn't move. I just laid there throbbing inside him. We got up and cleaned ourselves. We didn't do this ever again after that. Not because we didn't want to, but because we became step brothers shortly after....
We don't see each other often, mainly holidays and family events. Neither of us mention it or even talk about it. I still wish I had that connection though. It's strange when you trust someone that much to not tell anyone about your secret dealings and recreational fun, but it still is a great memory, even if it's weird as all hell. Totally taboo yet, secretly, still an amazing life experience.
I was always so horny as a teenager. I wanted to be railed all the time. Needless to say, my neighbor was hot, but he was interested in someone else. One night I didn’t care. I was so horny it was driving me crazy. So I walked down my neighborhood 6 houses down to his house. He wasn’t home… but his dad was. He knew what he wanted and didn’t care, he invited me in. We were talking about his son funny enough, but an awkward silence ensued… he started looking me up and down. It wasn’t his fault I had on a skimpy dress, my tits we’re hanging out of it. I wear a triple D. He started caressing my thighs and slowly worked his way up to my vagina. So we started making out. He started grabbing me everywhere. I was so turned on. After about 5 minutes of that I lead him to his living room and pushed him down on his couch and strattled him. His dick was pressed against me, it made me want him even more. He started taking my dress straps off and then my tits were out for the world to see. He started grabbing them while still making out with me and then we stopped making out and he moved down to my tits, he started sucking and biting all over them. Then we made our way to his bedroom… I was grinding on him and then he took my dress off the rest of the way and I unbuckled his belt and unzipped his zipper of his jeans and pulled his pants off leaving him in his boxers, but I didn’t take his dick out, I teased him… I bounced up and down a little and started grinding up and down on him. Then I got off of him and walked out of his room. He came chasing after me, I’m guessing because I gave him blue balls. I was regretting my decision to not wait for his son, and doing it with him… but I said to hell with it, if his son and I ever happened I didn’t want it to be my first time. So I walked back to his bedroom and sat on the side of the bed until he came in, he walked up to me and grabbed my arms and pushed me down onto my back, he towered over me and started with a kiss on my mouth worked his way to my nipples, down my stomach and to my clit, he knew exactly what to do down there, 3 ex wives… I’d hope so. He made me completely unfold on his mouth. What can I say. I wasn’t going to be selfish. I stood up from the bed and pushed him onto it, the I climbed on top or him making out with him and grinding on him until I made sure he was rock hard again, and I got off the bed and pulled his boxers off. I teased him a little and started kissing his thigh, I could tell he wanted to force my mouth on him. But I kept teasing him, until he begged me to put it in my mouth. I did just that, and it was amazing. I finished him off twice. I didn’t think I’d be that good at it considering it was my first time. But it was almost like I knew exactly what to do. But I wanted more. I assume he did too, because after all of that he pulled me on top of him strattling him again and started kissing my neck. But I was thinking of something else… I lifted myself off of him just enough to slide his dick in me. Then we went crazy. I didn’t realize I could bend that way. Figured out the positions that I love and the ones I didn’t enjoy so much because they were uncomfortable. After we finished I put in my skimpy dress and walked back to my house.
I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I read every confession on this site. I should be working right now but I don't want to, it's just too damn funny.
#confession #work #funny #lazy
I want to do a preventive penance. I promise to everyone who will get near my car to hurt, damage or destroy her, that I will kill him or her.
I am not a violent person but I won't let anything happen to my baby.
When it comes to my car, it's not funny anymore!
Today, I dressed myself as death, with a scythe and a hood and walked through a nursing home.
I never had so much fun in my life before.
#death #scythe #hood #nursing #home #fun #life #confess #evil
When I was 16 I slept at my best friends house and we watched Babestation on his TV in his room. Being horny teenagers we found ourselves, sat next to each other on his bed, wanking.
Being curious about touching another guys dick, I asked if I could touch him. He agreed and for a while we wanked each other, which I quite enjoyed.
Anyway long story short, he finished before me and kinda lost control of where it landed. Since I was sat next to him some landed on my leg and arm which I was pretty surprised about but it was hot. In fact, it actually helped me cum. But that's a secret. As revenge, I came over his bed. He wasn't impressed.
We cleaned up and went to sleep. We joke about it from time to time, but it nothing has happened since.
A teacher of mine is an asshole. I only receive bad grades from him and that without cause.
My cat killed a mouse the other day and I decided to put it in his jacket pockets. He's running around all day long with a dead mouse in his pocket. Hilarious!
It's cool that I can skinny dip with my step dad, but only when mom is not around. Nothing more than relaxing, building relations and trust. Nothing sexual. But I do feel nasty doing it. It is new, exciting, and I am curious to the ways of sex and nudity.
#chill #naked #stepdad #skinnydip #turnon #arousal #exciting #fun
One early Saturday morning a young female stopped by to visit. As we were talking she asked if I had a hair tie? Before I could answer she saw one on the coffee table nearby grabbed it and put it in her hair. I did not say a word. Unknowingly to her my man had used that the night before as a cock ring. Tee hee, that is what she gets for being grabby.
I try to make my boyfriend angry because he said proudly announced once that no one and nothing can make him upset.
It's my new challenge to show him otherwise. :-)
#angry #boyfriend #upset #challenge #proud #funny #confession
I enjoy the sorrow, misery and pain of others. It does not have to be anything crass, but I get giddy and really really gleeful if I watch someone struggling.
I ROARED with laughter when I watched a young mother lose her baby's pacifier in a drainpipe and the baby started crying.
When I am walking through town and occasionally stop and watch, hoping for something funny to happen - I love watching people struggling with heavy objects.
I love watching fail compilations on YouTube.
Unfortunately, I now read on the internet that this glee and joy for the pain of others might be connected to feelings of inferiority.
I confess that I worry that should be ashamed for my key source of joy in my life. And that I love my fellow human beings the most when they are stuck in a water slide.
#funny #despair #joy #glee #youtube #videos #fun #laughing #baby #mother #slide #water #confession #inferiority
I have an interest to go online and look at pictures of dead people. Then I like to laugh at them. The dead bodies dont disterb me, even when their organs or blood is exposed. I'm not sorry holocaust victims and dead people but I guess I should be...
My girlfriend and I (m/30) have been together for around 10 years now. Her family is originally from Russia. Shortly, after we got together, she invited me to her birthday party with her family. Up until then, I never met her family or knew much about them. Of course I agreed to come and got her a nice present and some flowers for her mother. I actually thought that it would be a small and quiet celebration.
Oh boy, was I wrong.
When we pulled up to her parents' house, I was overwhelmed. It was (still is) a really big house with fine decour and everything. I got rather nervous that her family would not like me as they obviously were playing in another league than me.
So, it was a huge party and all her family from all around the country and from Russia came to celebrate. And as you might know, the Russians love their vodka. Everyone was very kind and everyone wanted to drink with me. As soon as my glass was empty, another relative came my way holding vodka shots. My girlfriend was very busy talking to everyone and did not notice what happened until it was too late.
So, we danced, we took shots, the food was amazing. Until I noticed that I wasn't feeling so well. I didn't make it back to the bathroom, but puked all over myself, the floor and some landed on my girlfriend's mother... I was mortified!
Somehow, my girlfriend, her mother and her aunt managed to get me into the bathtub and hosed me down. They got me a pyjama of my girlfriend's dad and they put me to bed.
The next morning when I woke up I felt horrible. I was utterly ashamed, but still went down for breakfast. Everyone still present was smirking and laughing at me, but it seemed everything in good fun. Her mother came up to me with a bottle of vodka shortly after and asked if I wanted to do some shots. I almost puked on her again.
So I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest before our wedding in June when I have to see her whole family again.
#girlfriend #russian #vodka #drunk #puked #embarrassing #family #celebration #party #bathroom #funny #ashamed #confession #wedding #russia
My girlfriend sleeps with her mouth open. So, when I go to bed later than her and she's already asleep, I put some food in her mouth. It's hilarious. She's always totally confused the next day. I always tell her that she ate while sleeping.
Sorry babe, I'll tell you the truth when we get married.
#food #hilarious #joke #secret #girlfriend #funny #confession
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