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I have high functioning ASD, bipolar, and ADD/ADHD. so basically Im extremely socially awkward with intense emotions and mood swings that I don't understand half the time. It makes it extremely difficult to make new friends and to keep the ones I have.
When I was 15 I was diagnosed with Anorexia after taking a really bad mental fall. It's been many years later and I never fully recovered, but I find myself constantly restricting and vomiting, and always feeling disgusted with myself. I have a 19.7 BMI, but it's not good enough. I really want to get underweight to prove to others that I am skinny, I am in control, I want to scare people, I find a numbing feeling that comes with this, and I love it.
Of course, the side effects of the disease is wretched and I think of how lovely recovery would be. I'm not here to get hate, Im just here to confess. I already seek therapy.
I order a lot of stuff online. But not because I am a shopaholic or because I got the money but because of the mails I get. I don't receive any mails. I know own over 1000 blu rays.
By the way I also like paying via Paypal because you get 2 mails.
I feel guilty about losing weight. I am beginning to skip meals more than just sometimes. My best friend struggles with her body image, I do too. Before I started to change my lifestyle to get the body I strive for, she would tell me that she would die to look like me. She wants to look like me... I don't even want to look at myself, I don't know why anyone would want my ugly body. Now that I have lost weight she just wants to look like me more. She doesn't copy me or anything she just wants my body. When I occasionally talk about how I struggle with the way I see myself she denies my insecurities and says I'm not fat. I feel like when I talk about how I don't like my body, she may take it as I don't like hers either because she is bigger than I am. Which is in no way true. It feels like its unfair on her half.
(bad spelling in this, prob won't make sense. I just needed to rant)
17 year old, Tomás.
I sued my parents. It was very easy. I went to the local court and told the laywer in tears my parents are alcoholic and they beat me up every day. That's not true, my dad is a loyal banker and my mom works in a kindergarten. They now got a restraining order and are not allowed to go near me.
They don't even know about it yet.
#parents #court #tears #restraining #order
Trigger warning : eating disorder
Recently I've been struggling with my eating disorder again and I don't really know what to do because I literally cant get myself to eat but I feel like I need to throw up all the time and I'm loosing so much weight I went from being 150 to almost 115 I don't really know how to deal with it because I still feel disgusting
#tw #ed #eatingdisorder #advise
Ever since I was in 7th grade, I've always loved looking at girl's asses. I mean come on, what guy doesn't. I'm always think about sex and hot chicks and ever since 9th grade ive recorded girls asses because their are some fine asses in my school. I've deleted most of them but have some really nice ones stashed. I've also gotten extreme satisfaction out of tapping girls asses because I'm just an ass man. I've never been caught because I'm not blatantly obvious about it, but I love it so much and always look forward to looking for the huge asses in my school.
Hi! I'd like to confess I work in a pizzeria and there's some wit who thinks he can order pizza almost every day around 11 pm. Because we also want to finish, we always put the grossest cheese on the pizza and sometimes he also gets our "special sauce"
I do not believe we were meant to be a monogamous species and that the Catholic church, in their quest for social order centuries ago, made it a practice.
Since school days ( I am 21 now) I work at a restaurant. It's a family style restaurant, so we get A LOT of families. My parents were both born in Russia but migrated to my country 4 years before I was born, so I speak Russian fluently, but you would not think so when you see me.
So, as I said, we get many families and many of those are Russian as well. Some of them do not speak our language very well and it often takes a long time for them to order their food. The most annoying kind are those that have been to our restaurant like a thousand times (and they always order the same), but need a loooooong time to say what they want in our language.
I confess that I listen in on their conversations in Russian and that I understand each and every word they say, but I do not help them.
I always act as if I do not understand a single thing they say, even if it takes ages.
I think it is very important for them to speak our language! Otherwise they would never learn it properly.
#language #restaurant #guests #waitress #russian #conversation #order #food
When the fat guy that sits besides me at work eats, it offends me. I'm always judging his food choices. I know I shouldn't because he's actually really nice, but I don't even feel guilty about it. He triggers my ED *bad* /vent
Sometimes when I'm bored I lick my friends ears for pleasure. I get bored and tell them its a disorder. Some are kind enough to not get weirded out by me but recently I started biting...
Paranoia. I once had a near death medical incident. Took a meds. Odd reaction. For a while I was paranoid. Then I went off the med and it passed.
But sometimes it tries to return. I learned to ignore it. For instance, sometimes I think people in my house are talking about me. Going thru my stuff. Even conspiring against me in a sense. So I recorded what they were saying. Listened when I was very calm and happy.
Sometimes they are saying hateful things about me. Sometimes they are mocking me. Sometimes one of them is trying to manipulate the others so together they can get their way and bulldoze me. So that’s not paranoia.
However; other things I recorded when my mind wondered are they talking about me, they were not.
In life most everyone is mentally disturbed to some level. Most everyone’s main focus is themself. They desire control. Seek a way to get control over others. To influence others. Not for bad per sa. If I’m nice people will be nice to me. If I look hot that cute person will date me because I want to be touched by them. You get it?
So in my case, I’ve spent my life around people who conspire together against others. It’s quite ridiculous, but think of gangs. Gang members are really cowards. Too afraid to stand up alone. But I’m a pack they have the power. 5 gang bangers together are not afraid of a frail old person. Give them guns and they will even take on a small healthy man. For me they’d want a tank or two.
Watch shark fest. I’m like an orca. I know I own the seas. I walk thru the world unafraid. Sure a nuclear sub could take me on. But other than that I’m all good. But most humans are like those little gray sharks. They need to form a pack to have real power.
This is why you’ll see really scared people walking with dogs. The nice scared people have labs. The mean scared people have pit bulls.
Stay away from any human who owns a pit bull. They may go violent on you for no reason one day.
See. Humans are a lot like animals. If you accept that parts of you function like an animal; but realize you have a conscious mind, then you can control false thoughts.
Thus; if you are feeling paranoid, that’s a basic survival skill. Zebras eat, but they watch for lions. Lions are always there. But lions suddenly spring out of the grass. They chase whichever they’ve picked. If it’s a group they zig and zag. The one that stumbles or goes the wrong way is eaten.
So your paranoid for a reason. But you have to accept in life there’s a certain level of danger. We all start to die the moment we are born. It’s a certainty. The absolute Ready Player One game. This game plays for keeps. Game over is game over forever here.
So I always wonder as the scared person on the walking trail with 5 dogs walks by, why not just buy a treadmill or join a gym?
The question is do you want to spend your entire life living in fear? Or do you want to live. Bad neighborhood? Try to save up and move. Not always an option. So stay indoors as much as possible.
Here’s something that boggles the mind. We need a border wall. The drugs coming across puts a lot of people in a grave. The drugs provide the wealth for gang leaders to form a gang. Then they branch out. Extortion, breaking into homes and cars. Rape. Intimidation. Random violence.
Take away those illegal drugs, and the gangs dry up. Poor people can control their streets again.
But some cities need new poor people to keep gov money coming in. To keep all their senate seats. Some companies and people want cheap labor.
Some people just feel compassion. Like for those unaccompanied children stumbling around.
So we get this. Drugs. Gangs.
Why not build the wall. But ask cities and states if they want illegals. If they do have buses waiting. Send them to airports. Funnel them into those systems. In this way, everyone is happy.
If you live in Iowa why do you care if Michigan wants a bunch of illegals? That’s like the distance of Spain from Norway. Just stay in Iowa and live your life. If those people in California bother you so much, don’t go there.
Compromise. Good people with money and resources to spare helping people who need help. Other people who don’t want to be involved left out of it. Inner city people able to walk to parks without the gangs. Kids not joining gangs out of fear. Teens not over dosing. Children not watching their parents over dosing. Isn’t that a better way than what we have now?
Don’t let your fear cause paranoia that overwhelms your life. A life of complete fear isn’t much of a life. But if that’s all you have, keep living it. Just make the best of whatever life you have. We are all trapped in our own skins.
Time for me to go back to being funny and obnoxious. I rarely let people see the real me. I like to hide behind an illusion.
TRDP
#paranoia #fear #survival #trdp #wall #border #hope #pitbull
I have kept my anorexia as a dark secret for over 10 years from my family. I've been in a binging and purging cycle for the past couple of days and I got out the peanut butter and my mum told me off telling me I didn't need it because I ate too much already. Just a couple of weeks ago they were threatening to send me to a doctor because I was 'getting too thin'. From her comments I'm back in full blown restriction and I'm ready to prove her wrong once and for all.
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