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Well since like 2 days ago I started fingering myself and rocking myself like if I had a pennis beneath me and I get so horny so 2 days ago I started going to the couch at night to finger myself but the couch is so fluffy that I started to jump and rub my vagina to the couch and imagined I was on top of someone and I even did that on the arm rest... Long story short I get horny when I sit on the couch
#horny #fingeredmyself #couch #despair #masturbation #girl #teen #hornyteen
I'll admit it: I'm human and I get so envious of others and how much is going on in their lives and I hate myself for it. I hate that I even have these feelings in the first place because my life is my own and I have made the choices I have made that have led me to today. No one else made them for me and for the most part, my life really isn't that bad. I don't need to have the biggest and the best house, job, car, etc... I've got somewhere to live, a nice enough car, a cat, plenty of wine and a decent job. What more should I want for besides someone to share my life with and maybe some actual friends? I'm working on it!
In the end it just feels like it's not enough when my sister comes over and I get so angry at myself because normally I like my life and who I am and it's not her fault that she makes me feel jealous and stupid. I should be the bigger person and just let this go but she seems to be a like a storm: something that just comes along with all it's thunder and lightning and their's nothing you can do to halt it's approach. It's a cycle and by the time she leaves or I leave every time we get together, I almost feel like I'm in physical pain from the press of holding my emotions in check. I always end up balling like a pathetic idiot just to release some of the tension. Often I have trouble breathing. It's almost like a panic attack is induced or something and I just don't get it.
To give you some background, my sister is two years younger than me and 20 kilos lighter. I'd probably say I am the prettier of the two of us even if I am overweight although she has a nicer smile and definitely knows how to dress. We grew up in a small town and I was the only farm girl in my year group with the other 9 girls being town girls. It was just two different worlds. I grew up liking the outdoors and using my imagination but the townies liked sitting around and gossiping about boys and clothes, etc. My sister on the other hand, had four other girls her age who grew up on farms and they all became fast friends. I went through school going from friend to friend and as a result, my social skills are somewhat lacking. Don't worry, that's not the case so much these days but I just don't get people like she does and despite trying to be a laid back person, I just seem to be so sensitive. I can't handle it when people let me down or don't live up to my expectations. It also doesn't help that we have so many of the same interests. We worked for similar companies, we both like reading, writing, art, cooking and sewing. I feel like I can never be an individual and I am too embarrassed to show any of my artwork to my family who scorned the fact that I like(d) manga & anime when I was younger and still do. I am the black sheep of the family and if my own parents and siblings judge me for my tastes so much then other people outside the family certainly will. However she likes country music which is still in the 'safe' category. She gets teased for being into it but she doesn't get scorned whereas a lot of people in Western society see an anime episode and just see it as a cartoon when many animes can be very violent and for adults only. I don't like them for being cartoons alright. I like then because I like entertainment. I'll watch/read almost anything but I particularly like anime because it is not as constrained as Western stories/cartoons. It mixes my two favourite mediums together after all: stories and art. But no, apparently I am childish and immature when I'd probably say I am MORE mature simply because I have broadened my horizons and I am interested in all sorts of areas.
Moving along: she met her future husband when she was 19 and that was it. She's married a lovely man in a beautiful ceremony and now she's six weeks out from having her first child. Her life isn't perfect by any means but she couldn't have asked for a more wonderful start. She lives in a brand new, enormous house on a massive farm. She's rich and she has horses, dogs, a cat, a big garden and an amazing car and she's only 25. There's no doubt about it: she knows what she wants in life and she gets it. Not only that, she's really pretty and can flirt like there's no tomorrow. She is a great conversationalist and always the centre of attention. She's confident and self assured. Guys are always hitting on her. She even told me that a workman from a neighbouring farm hit on her last week and she's married and 7 1/2 months pregnant!!! What the heck?!
It's no wonder I feel fat, frumpy and tongue tied when she's around. Our conversation largely consists of her and her life and her calling me a dag because apparently I have an odd sense of humour. So what if I'm quirky? So what if I haven't had a boyfriend (and god knows if I ever will since my flirting skills suck so much - I'm shy alright! That doesn't mean I won't say yes if you ask me! Why should I have to ask? Not all girls have to be confident because surely not all guys find that sexy?) We talk about her all the time and how great her sex life is and how much of a pain it is to be pregnant. You know some of us are terrified that we're going to end up alone and never have any children of our own! And if I dare complain about it's the same old, "well you just need to be more confident and flirt. Nothing will come to you if you don't put yourself out there." Yeah well I don't want to simper and fawn! I want to meet someone who will talk with me and make me feel comfortable. I am shy and I don't want to be rushed into something and expected to have sex on the first date. I don't like touching someone as a form of flirting because frankly I'd be a little alarmed if some guy did that to me the first time we met and started talking. She never asks me what's going on in my life and she's constantly making me feel like an idiot because she always has such a tremendously strong opinion that you doubt yourself and start believing that maybe she is right.
I don't like her freakin friend okay! (Something we argue about more than anything else) And I am effin' entitled to my opinion! She's a horrible person who has upset all the other friends in their social circle and my sister still can't see it. This person didn't come to the hen's night and on the wedding night, after I had given my speech, she decided to upstage me by doing her own speech. She tried to make it look like she wasn't getting up on her soap box by making the other two bridemaids get up there with her - one of which was quite drunk and going through some horrible family issues and all three of them made terrible speeches. And then, my sister blames the drunk one and says how dare she do that on my sister's wedding night instead of caring about how much her friend is hurting. I mean, who does that? Yes, your wedding is a very special day and your friends should leave their problems at home but life happens and I can't believe she can be so on the side of one friend (who everyone else hates) and so mad at another who has been a far longer friend and had a lot of things going on in her life and was dragged into making a speech that she never should have had to make.
In the end it is so humiliating to be jealous of her and I am trying so hard to be me and improve in my own way and I should be grateful to have advice from her (or so everyone and my conscious keeps telling me) but you know what? I don't freakin' want any of it!!! I don't want these feelings and I just want to be me. I want to be able to see her and not have a complete meltdown. Is that too much to ask for? I want to have a few of my own wins in life and I want to freakin do it myself! I don't need advice from someone who's basically got lucky. Yeah I admit I thought and probably still think I am smarter and more widely read than her. I admit that I did better in school than her and thought that I was always better than her and I freakin hate that I even thought that in the first place because I never thought I was that type of person. I hate myself and I hate that I do that as well and that I am so freakin hard on myself. I just wish my chaotic thoughts would take a backseat for a change and leave me the alone because you know what? Life is meant to be enjoyed and not endured and right now I just can't figure out how to enjoy it at all. I don't want to feel like I am struggling because I want to feel like I am being challenged and I want to enjoy the journey instead of constantly feeling exhausted by my feelings.
#jealous #sister #friends #sad #upset #panic #attack #meltdown #envious #envy #my #life #hate #myself
I am a prostitute and I run an entire 'escorting' business. I didn't need the money; I'd been a self-harmer and suicidal for years so I did it out of self hatred, and now I have a business so I can't really get out of it. The most disgusting parts about this are:
1) I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know anything about my business or the people I've slept with
2) I aren't actually 18 yet, unknown by my clients...
This is really not a sin, more like something I wanted off my chest and to be honest about. So I have a best friend and she is going through a really difficult time. She has depression and social anxiety and ever since she told me I have tried to be positive about it and support her as much as I can. I always believed and still believe that she will overcome this phase of her life. But recently the positive feelings that I shared towards her has really diminished and I blame her, even though it's not entirely her fault. She told me a month back that she actually had a romantic crush on me during our high school days . It came as a huge shock to me as I had no idea about it. I felt honoured but sad at the same time that I could not return her feelings. Also, I understood the fact that she was just trying to come clean but...the fact that she told me this kind of makes me angry. Because ever since she told me , I have had to be careful. Before her confession, I didn't think twice before telling her I love you or even going as far as inventing our ship names. But now I can't go back to how I was with her and I blame her. After that , due to her fragile state she always calls me if something troubles her and I feel duty bound to pick up her call. Recently I was on a trip with my family and while on the road she called me and she was crying. I got so worried that I made my family stop the motorbike I was riding and talked to her. As usual it was a silly reason that triggered her off. But I understood all that . I do get it so I didn't complain, no matter how much she called me or get paranoid over the smallest things. But two days back, she called me threatening to harm herself and I didn't know what to do. I tried to stop her by yelling at her , begging and then crying. But she just told me to tell her parents that she had done it and disconnected the call. Frantically and crying all the while I called her family to inform them. Thankfully she was hospitalised and is okay now. It wasn't that serious and she knew what she was doing as she is actually studying medical. After that I talked to her sister about it and she told me that everything that she was doing recently was somehow manifesting itself in the form of seeking attention from others and later when I talked to her she even confessed to it by saying she won't do it twice as the second time she won't receive any sympathy. I didn't know what to say to that. So I didn't. I am going to meet her day after tomorrow but to be honest I don't want to. I feel like I have lost all the warm feelings I had towards her. I still wish the best for her and want her to be okay soon. But I will be lying to myself if I don't admit that I think I have lost my best friend. Although I do know that right now she needs to find herself more than I need to find my best friend. I know I am being selfish but I really don't want to pretend any more. I am just so tired of it all and specially her. Nothing feels genuine any more and I really don't know what to do anymore.
I used to cut myself to escape everything and feel nothing. I stopped cutting now. But I can't stop harming. I like it and it helps. I don't know. Maybe I am as crazy as they say.
I was in a long distance relationship with a girl on and off for the past 6 years or so. We sent nudes and all that shit, However she decided she was going to text my best friend (rip) and ask him if he wanted to see what i sent her. She was clearly obsessed with betraying me and lying to me constantly, so i had to spend my days stalking her online, she used to flirt with guys on stickam (rip stickam) behind my back and get high on cam all while telling me "i dont smoke anymore".
So one day i took a picture of my computer screen and what she was doing and sent it to her. She promised to straighten her shit out, long story short she didn't. after her constant betrayals i spammed her entire dox and nudes all over the internet and encouraged people to call the number. i left a bot on that repeated the message every 3 minutes. i was very hurt, and still am, she kept apologizing and wanting me back so of course i said yeah im sorry too. but a few months later i got sick of her shit AGAIN, so i blocked her number, her reaction was moving to kansas to turn into a drunk, while telling me all kinds of great lies, she got herself pregnant (for the second time, she had an abortion the first time). eventually on her birthday she called me crying like a bitch because nobody cared about her birthday and it was her first taste of the real world.
So for the next 2 years i tried to make things work with her even though she had somebody elses kid now. she didnt understand nor care how much it affected me. we had alot of arguments and instead of calling her a slut or a whore or whatever like i normally would i just started dishing out the truth on her and told her "you arent going to find somebody who wants a 22-23 year old single mother whos a pathological liar, that has fucked an excessive amount of people, is a complete bitch, has a history of drug and alcohol abuse, nobody is going to want you, and after all of that i am still talking to you." apparently she couldnt handle that.
she wanted to be FWB and that lasted all of 5 days. a few months ago she told me "its not going to work between us" so i replied "because im not good enough?" she says "No thats not it" "i want to live in a big house and have nice things and have more kids". I damn near died i just said "so basically im not good enough, sick contradictory statement". I told her i refuse to be friends with her under those circumstances if im going to be friendzoned and never given a legitimate chance at making a life with her.
I keep having dreams about her, i dont know what my problem is because i cant stop loving her, i wish i could, and i wish i could get over what she has done to me, i wish i could go more than 4 months without trying to talk to her. Hopefully this outlet will help me move on and i will find somebody who is actually worthy of my affection.
yes i know i didnt use proper punctuation and i dont care.
Anyone that’s posting on here, I love you and I hope everything works out. There’s always hope xx
I hate niggers and wish them all dead. But of course, that is most definitely a sinful thought. The irony is that I myself am a nigger. I'm so lost...
Drinking. Two of my roommates went off for a beach party good time when Covid hit. Just a cold.
Came back & it swept thru everyone they knew.
One of them had her family hit hard. She ended up in family. So did some of her relatives.
So after people she loved went on permanent disability & worse. She got cautious. So did her friend.
But now each of their oldest relatives are vaccinated. Nothing to worry about. Party time. They stuck their kid back in school. They are going to bars mask less to pick up men. They are in there hung over. But bragging about all they drank & the good times.
Now that the south has their beaches wide open with the deadlier mutations it’s time to go to the beach for a week again.
You can’t fix stupid. They are confident they will survive the new virus because they did the first. Their elders are vaccinated. So they have nothing to worry about anymore. Time to go live again.
That is why our nation is having so much more death & stuff than most countries. We have spoiled people who only worry about themselves.
This is why our not vaccinating sick young people & parents with young kids once we knew it was safe is wrong.
Oh I get that hospital staff is first. That group home disabled & elders are second. Even prisoners.
But none nursing home old people should be behind the immune suppressed kids. Behind very sick & immune suppressed adults with underage kids. Behind the disabled who can’t follow PPE type rules. Not to be rude, but they are old. Already lived.
Or; put them all in the same group.
Then should come any high risk.
Then anyone else.
It’s obvi with selfish people who do not care about anyone else, that we can’t rely on them to look out for anyone but themselves.
That’s a cost of freedom. We have to let a lot of people die because they want the freedom to go get drunk & spread the new variants of death.
One thing this has taught us is why some past plagues were so deadly. You can’t fix stupid. You can’t fix selfish.
If a really deadly virus hit us it would spread thru America like an inferno, because too many just don’t care.
I do wonder this. One came home stumble drunk. Talked about how the other drunk more than her & kept drinking. Both came back same time. So who drove?
The one is saying the other drunk even more. So did the other set & sober before leave? I didn’t see other come in. I’ve never seen either drive drunk. So I’ll assume the driver sobered.
I have never drank so I don’t even know how it works. I think bartenders check them. Hope so.
I worked with two drunks that got arrested after leaving bars drunk. They were so mad. Said the cops were waiting. I made a lot of people mad. I said good. I’m glad. I pay the cops to set outside the bars. Have a cab take you there. Then one has to take you home.
One guy said well what if I find a woman who only gets loosened up when she’s drunk?
You’d think the world would like me. I’ve never drank; smoked, or done drugs. I worked hard. Charity work. I volunteered to help people in life or death situations.
But you get sick & discover you don’t matter to society at all. You don’t ever want to be homeless.
I am an avid self harmer. All in the name of sex (and a pinch of self hatred). I am addicted to blood I cut myself really nasty last night and the tub water looked like a cheap red wine. All I did for hours after was masturbate. The water even tasted like my blood
I hide away in my room because I’m too scared they will see the sadness I feel. I don’t eat. I don’t even motivate myself anymore. I hate everyone and everything. That’s that.
Still even as a recovering anorexic, I still hate my body and hate the way my thighs are shaped.
I have a bad tendency to get violent when I'm angry and I'm scared of my self I forget who I am and what I'm doing and I blank out and don't remember anything unless I'm told what I have done and tbh it scares me not knowing what I do when I lose it I feel like I should be in a mental asylum I hate myself for getting violent
Im sorry I made you cry. I cant take back what took from you. I knew it was wrong I did it anyway. I'm so sorry.
I 21 year old girl and i masterburate. And for this reason i literally HATE MYSELf. I feel disgust being me. I love Jesus and i know how much pain he endured to take my sin still despite so many promises i lose my self control and watch porn and masterburate. Hate my body my face my life and myself
Im in 3rd grade and im 14yrs old. I have a feelings on a girl who is one year older than me. Im always not brave enough to go and talk to her or say "Hi!" bc I always think that if I started talking to her she's going to think that im weird and maybe she'll start avoiding me or something... But I want to be friends with her......
I am terrified of myself sometimes. when i have my period sometimes i cover myself in my own blood to fight the urge to self harm.
Living in fantasy land. I know a guy who wants his wife’s kids gone. He’s getting old & in poor health care. He votes republican but doesn’t realize he’s fixing to be too old to work. He’s fixing to see what it’s like to be extremely poor.
He was mocking someone for trying to keep an old car running. He has a nice but high mile car. He’s got a home with his wife.
his son in law used to help them. Only reason they got & could afford a home. Helped pay their rent before that. Provided the $ for their used cars for yrs.
When his or his wife’s cars break down; both are disabled. How does he expect new ones?
He will soon discover it’s hard to fix s home with Medicare checks. He is trying to push away her kids who live in and around them. He has no kids. Who does he think will take care of them when they get bad?
It amazes me.
Best part. He tries to push her kids away. He was adopted. You’d think he’d appreciate poverty, & that her son is the only reason he has a home in his old age.
Sometimes I just want to drop everything and leave without telling anyone and start over. Fuck it. I won't be missed anyway. Just leave everything behind.
I’m a minor and I’m transgender (FtM). I’ve been “out” to my family for a year, and to friends for about three years. I’m struggling so much, my mom doesn’t support me and says shes “doing it cause she loves me.” I hate to even think about it but a lot of the time I find myself thinking of suicide, or “DIY top surgery” (pretty much stabbing myself). The thoughts haunt me at night, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I’m typing this at 2:44 am. As cheesy as it sounds I always knew I wasn’t a girl, and the first time I tried to kill my self I was 12. Then again at 13. And again at 15 etc. I can’t take hormones or do anything to further my transition, the only thing I’ve been able to do is cut my hair. Clothes wise, the only masculine clothes I have are my dead dad’s, and my room still looks the same as when I was 9 years old and sitting in here makes me just want to end it because I’ll never be in the right body.
Thanks for listening I guess? Sorry for how depressing this is.
#transgender #trans #ftm #transftm #minor #suicide #depression #selfharm
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