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Several years ago I purposely slit my wrist while cutting up boxes. I made it look like an accident. It did not bleed as I missed the vein. I got scared and rushed to the hospital to get stiches. I lied to the doctor about what happen to avoid going to see a therapist. I now have scar as a reminder. I guess it wasn't my time to go yet.
I’m basically an emotional crutch for my friend, pretty much the only one she has, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself soon. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave her alone and stranded with nobody to talk to anymore, but I don’t think my mind is going to let me stay here much longer. And the worst part is I’m doing everything right. I’ve been taking my meds, reaching out to people when I need them, ive been taking notice when I’m having irrational thoughts and putting a stop to them, I’ve been excersicing, boy howdy have I. Been excersicing, but I still hear screaming that isn’t there, I still feel like my room is closing in on me, I still feel like my mind is deteriorating...what am I doing wrong?
I'm going to kill myself. I'm not sure when but I can feel my death stalking me every second of the day. I had a stroke at a pretty young age a few years ago. I didn't have any physical residual problems but emotionally I'm fried. I have a constant feeling of dread that lives deep in my gut, something that seems to be stuck inside my esophagus. Sometimes I feel ok, but thoughts of how I'm going to die are never far from my mind. I really want it to end.
I'm a 17 year old male and I have about 2 friends. I don't really even talk to them much anymore. I'm quite shy, and can't really talk to girls either. I just don't want to interaction with people.
It's not that I don't want friends, it's I see the world a different way. Instead of seeing all the joys, I see real truth. The bad, evil, and whatnot. I see the class in people, their true nature. I am very distrusting of people. My oldest friend of 10 years I still can't fully trust. I am also not up with the ages of ge to generation. They listen to the new today's music, talk with in ways that aren't even English, do drugs, sex, and that sort of thing. I can't do that. I like to make complete sentences using intelegent wording, I listen to music from 2008 prior. I don't know. I just can't stand it.
From all that I witness of my generation, I have started to hate people. I hate the non intelegent people who listen to today's music, can't make a proper sentence, don't even use words in the English dictionary and make up ones. It's not that I think of myself as superior to them, I just think that my generation starts the downfall of American society.
I think from this, it has taken a toll on me. I am severely depressed, I am highly paranoid, some Early signs of schizophrenia, multiple personalities, the list goes on. My generation and being around them upsets me. What happened to our society? Where is it going? How long will it take? I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to commit suicide, in my eyes suicide is for the weak and if you fail suicide your a failure of a human and any living organism, my anger is building up. Nobody knows about it. I hide my emotions and it builds up. One of these days I'm going to burst. Nobody knows how dangerous I can be. It's not going to be good.
This kills me, it really does. Someone has to do it though, and it's going to be me.
If I can Use Sex as a habit instead of Self harm everyday, I would. I thought I will have a panic attack if I selfed harm again but all what I was feeling this strange emptiness. And I liked it.
I'm only 12 and self harm. No one knows and that's how I want to keep it. My friends are worried because I was cutting my arms but I switch places so they can't see the scars. They constantly want me to eat more like if I don't eat enough. Also we have new teachers and they are constantly annoying the class and I'm just so done. I have not attempted suicide and am not considered suicidal, but if there is a situation where I'm about to die I will surly let myself. I'm just a messed up teen trying to make sure others don't self harm or commit suicide.
I am a prostitute and I run an entire 'escorting' business. I didn't need the money; I'd been a self-harmer and suicidal for years so I did it out of self hatred, and now I have a business so I can't really get out of it. The most disgusting parts about this are:
1) I have a girlfriend and she doesn't know anything about my business or the people I've slept with
2) I aren't actually 18 yet, unknown by my clients...
i have been clean from self harm for two and a half years. i am going to break that clean streak today.
Living in fantasy land. I know a guy who wants his wife’s kids gone. He’s getting old & in poor health care. He votes republican but doesn’t realize he’s fixing to be too old to work. He’s fixing to see what it’s like to be extremely poor.
He was mocking someone for trying to keep an old car running. He has a nice but high mile car. He’s got a home with his wife.
his son in law used to help them. Only reason they got & could afford a home. Helped pay their rent before that. Provided the $ for their used cars for yrs.
When his or his wife’s cars break down; both are disabled. How does he expect new ones?
He will soon discover it’s hard to fix s home with Medicare checks. He is trying to push away her kids who live in and around them. He has no kids. Who does he think will take care of them when they get bad?
It amazes me.
Best part. He tries to push her kids away. He was adopted. You’d think he’d appreciate poverty, & that her son is the only reason he has a home in his old age.
use she suddenly realized she’s changed her mind. and i understand completely. i think it’s for the best. im glad that she wants to get away from me because she deserves better, and also i cannot face her and feel good about myself anymore. i’m constantly reliving the guilt. i hope that we never meet again, i have learned my lesson. i just want to move on, but she keeps reminding me of what i’ve done. she looks at me like i’m evil. even asked her friends to block me. i deserve it, but i want to move on now. i won’t do such thing again. i have a hard time feeling like i’m a good person. i feel terrible and i don’t deserve friends anymore. i have also lied to people many times, and been inconsistent in the past year. i have been upset at others for treating me badly, yet i do the very same thing. im just ashamed of myself for not being a good human and i hope i can change and treat people right. i think i struggle with low self esteem, and the minute someone hurts me or isn’t perfect i cut them off or become bitter. im not patient and too stubborn. no wonder i don’t have friends. i criticize others but i’m not good myself. i have a selfish side and i’m going to do my best to work on it.
#betrayal #regret #friendship #self
I started sleeping with a guy I’ve always wanted to fuck last year even though he had/has a girlfriend.
I’ve always thought he was hot but have never been single when he’s been around (meaning he was in jail for the short time I was free between relationships since I met him about 8-9 years ago).
It was supposed to be one “encounter” … We had about 5 days while she was away and that was supposed to be it, however every time she’s been away since then he’s contacted me, the last couple of times even coming to me at my house (we lived just over an hour apart and I’d always gone to him). I’ve not once tried to reach out or been the one to instigate further hookups, it was always him, but not once was I going to turn him down. The connection is AMAZING, honestly I’ve had some of THE BEST sex of my life with this guy.
The weird thing is, even though I know his partner I just don’t feel guilty, I don’t give a fuck, I would and probably will continue to fuck this boy every time she is out of town.
#ifuckedyourboyfriend #illdoitagain #mostselfishthingihaveeverdone #noguilt
I met a person who I really connect with and our relationship is growing by the day; I’m happier than ever before. But I still feel like I don’t deserve this happiness and all I feel is that I want to push them away, protect them from being stuck with me for the rest of their life.
I am always sad and want nothing to do with my school friends or friends that I have made through cheer. I used to be the person who was always doing something and never wanted to be home. I was constantly surrounded by people and friends. Ever since I started high school, that has all changed. I lost all of my close friends and no I find myself playing with my pets and doing nothing but going to practice. Its sad because I want to be back to my super social life and have all my friends back but everyone seems to hate me. I have thought about killing myself due to the amount of mean comments and things being said about my by people I thought were my friends. I am most certainly depressed but I don't want to talk to my parents about it because they are very abusive.
I used to cut myself to escape everything and feel nothing. I stopped cutting now. But I can't stop harming. I like it and it helps. I don't know. Maybe I am as crazy as they say.
i guess im going to write this in the most unknown topic saying theres only 2 pages lolz anyways hey my name is jake and maybe ill find this sometime in the future or maybe i wont because ill be dead or happy but im hoping ill be happy but selfishness man do i have a lot of that i mean if you consider the fact that i am mentally and emotionally and psyically
I have kept my anorexia as a dark secret for over 10 years from my family. I've been in a binging and purging cycle for the past couple of days and I got out the peanut butter and my mum told me off telling me I didn't need it because I ate too much already. Just a couple of weeks ago they were threatening to send me to a doctor because I was 'getting too thin'. From her comments I'm back in full blown restriction and I'm ready to prove her wrong once and for all.
As I start pushing 50, it occurs to me that I neither love, nor respect myself. In spite of having kicked Heroin ten years ago, and serving in my faith, I will never see me as a person of value.
i cut off a person because they didn’t make me happy. i don’t know if it was the right thing, i have a hard time putting myself first. i feel sorry for being so harsh.
When I was 15 i done some shit I wasn’t proud of like watching porn , then breaking my laptop by biting it, then going on Facebook via unlimited web to talk to 5 older guys about sex and then 6 months later I attempted suicide from the guilt of it all.
Whenever my SO talk about all his past relationships, he always describe them as pretty, cute or sexy. Didn't bother me at first because it might be just one or two of the exes. But so far, he calls "all" his exes that. It's starting to bother me and ruining my confidence, he has not called me any of it. On top of that, I had never met his friends wherein, his ex of just short period of time had. He had told me that if I'm going to meet his friends, I have to look pretty. I'm not a model type but I am not ugly either. I know how to dress, I can carry myself, I know how to use cosmetics and I like my slim petite body :'(
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