Romantic Confessions

I betrayed my friend under the pretence that I have her best interests in heart but I really want her to suffer.

My stepfather introduced me to the daughter of one of his colleagues, Annie. For a little over a year she and I have gotten closer, in fact our relationship is flawless we get along almost too well. I started following her on social media a year ago as well and her posts are well disturbing to say the least. Black and white photos, mentions of suicide, murder, psychosis, pictures of black roses with morbid poetry, 30 photos of her lips taken close up with black lipstick, pictures from The Shining, Tim button themed eeriness and lyrics from death metal songs. She told me she was goth, in the beginning I tolerated his strange all of this was. It wasn’t my business nor my concern. It got worsened. It suddenly started to pester me quite a bit, that she was romanticizing mental illnesses this much. I never realized when my bitterness took over my love for her. I was talking to a friend about her once when I just called her a creep, later I felt disgusted of myself. Once I reported one of her posts and barely regretted it. Another time, following my own suicide attempt I grew frustrated and asked her what she got out of acting so depressed all the time. Truth me told I was jealous. I was jealous that this seemingly privileged girl could act out however she pleased while I suffered in silence. I was jealous that unlike her I had to act okay. I was jealous that despite all the abuse I’ve put up with throughout my life, I had to smile and be strong, while someone else was allowed to let themselves fall apart in the face of the smallest inconvenience. Today I caved in and told my mother to inform my stepfather, to inform Annie’s parents, that I’m concerned for her wellbeing and am concerned that she is suffering from severe depression and may harm herself (my evidence being her posts). My objective is actually the hope that her actions will be met with consequence. That she’ll stop her dark and annoying posts. That she’ll stop expressing herself so much in that negative sense. I know I’m a horrible person for wanting to hurt my friend in this way. I am a horrible person and I don’t deserve her friendship. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I did it or why it matters. I hate myself and I don’t need or want pity. I can’t help but ask, what is wrong with me? why do I keep hurting people? why do I get satisfaction from it? Why do I feel like a demon.

#goth   #emo   #demon   #depression   #snitch   #romanticism  

My crush is aromantic
So I know I can’t have them
But
They aren’t asexual
So it’s hard not to think of them sexually
Again
I know I can’t have them
I know I’ll never be able to have sex or anything with them
But
It kinda hurts
And I feel bad
Because I feel real really bad about wanting to fuck them, but not being able to have a relationship with them
I know they don’t want a relationship, but it feels weird to me

#aromantic   #sexualthoughts  

I am completly in love with a married woman, i have been for a few years. I know its wrong and will cause her much pain, i am selfish and foolish.

#fool  

my partner has been getting very distant with me over the past month or so and i keep nervously walking myself through the benefits of being single to brace myself for being broken up with. they’re... not the person they were when we started dating. they did a complete 180° as a person since then, and i like who they are now and enjoy talking to them even with that change, but i’m worrying.

they’ve been busy and distant, and asked for me to just label them as a partner while they question if they’re aromantic or not. but because of that i can’t tell if they’re being distant over this month to prepare me to be broken up with, or if they’re just busy and reflecting on themself. i don’t even know what i would do if we weren’t romantically involved anymore?

we’ve been together more than a year now and were best friends for years before dating - they’re my closest friend, the person i trust and open up to more than anyone ever in my life. feeling distance between us is painful and scary... sometimes i wonder if i would be happier in a romantic relationship with someone else who better fits me, if us becoming friends instead of lovers would be good and i could find someone with a matching sex drive who’s more masculine and dominant (which is more my type than they are now). but they’re so close to me and i really feel like a happy old married couple with them, like i feel secure and cared for and i have someone i trust always by my side.

i just don’t know what to do, mostly because i don’t really know if there’s anything to do at all. it basically all hinges on whether or not they’re aromantic - if they are, we’re back to being best friends. if they aren’t, we’re together still. i don’t know what i would even prefer at this point either; all that i want is, selfishly, to be #1 in their life and more important than anyone else. that’s selfish, i know, but i want them to myself and i wouldn’t be able to stand seeing him date another person... when we were best friends they dated their current friend, and seeing their relationship constantly shoved in my face when i just had a hopeful crush was so painful. i can’t even imagine having to see it and knowing i’d been effectively replaced.

i’m just scared and nervous and confused. i don’t even think being best friends would really be too horrible at the end of the day. i don’t think i even know what i want.

what the fuck do i even do, man.

#relationship   #breakup   #aromantic  

I was walking behind a guy when I noticed 100 bucks falling out of his pocket. Because he ran into me seconds before he lost the money, I took it without saying anything. I am now going to invite my girlfriend to a nice and romantic dinner.

#money   #lost   #dinner   #girlfriend   #evil   #romantic