I had never seen Rebecca with a guy before, so I never knew what kind of guy she went for. I spent all that time in my car telling myself I am not a nobody, that I am somebody, and then seeing that guy I knew I had been deceiving myself. He looked like a Disney cartoon prince, and I looked more like Old Yeller. What a shot to my ego. Just as I was feeling sorry for myself, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
 I turned around expecting to see Rebecca. Imagine my surprise when it wasn’t her! But it was a woman, so that’s a start. And it appeared she wanted to talk, and not just ask me to kindly get the hell out of her way.
 “I saw you from across the room,” she said.
 “Oh really?” I replied. “That’s disappointing.”
 “Why’s that?”
 “Because that means the invisible cloak I bought specifically for tonight is a sham. I was suspicious walking out of the store with an empty hanger, but the salesman assured me it was the best invisibility money could buy.” “I always thought being poor and having no money afforded you the most invisibility,” she said as she started laughing.
 “Well then I guess it goes to show that you don’t need to spend money you don’t have just to stand out by blending in. Or something like that.”
 “Something like that,” she said. “Anyway, my name is Dora J. Arod, and I saw you over there and I got excited, because you look like that one actor—you know who I’m talking about, because you must get it all the time.”
 Yes! So somebody does think I’m handsome and in possession of movie star looks. “Which actor are you referring to?” 
 “Not sure his name, but he was in Armageddon, Big Fish, and Con Air.”
 “Oh!” I said, “Ben Affleck?”
 “Ben wasn’t in Big Fish or Con Air.”
 “Damn,” I said. “Hmm well I’m not sure who you’re referring to then.”
 “It just hit me,” she said. “Steve Buscemi. You look like Steve Buscemi!” I don’t remember what I said to that, but after giving it much thought, I will say that she is crazy. I do not look like Steve Buscemi. 
 Steve Buscemi is a much more handsome man than me.

— Jarod Kintz

#big-fish #con-air #confidence #crazy #disney