#absurd

Love is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #love #lube #slip #slippery

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free ↗

— Josh Stern

#free #humor #kids #shark-week #swim

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. ↗

— Woody Allen

#men

I can bench press steam, but not fog. I just have to wait until the fog lifts itself.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bench-press #fog #natural #nature #passion

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know. ↗

— Woody Allen

#sports

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. ↗

— Voltaire

#atheism #atrocities #barbarity #injustice #religion

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. ↗

— Woody Allen

#spirit

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. ↗

— Steven Wright

#culture

What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?! ↗

— Eddie Izzard

#gospel

Success is an absurd, erratic thing. She arrives when one least expects her and after she has come may depart again almost because of a whim. ↗

— Alice Foote MacDougall

#after #again #almost #arrives #because