#absurd

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled ↗

— Josh Stern

#death #life #recalled #telling #death

Things stayed peaceful in there, even as the crashing vehicles and the cries of the injured and dying reached a crescendo outside. "I fry mine in butter!" indeed. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#death #humor #life-and-death #vonnegut #death

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#idea

A gas station pump/jukebox. Look, my car runs on 80s music! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dream #fragment #surreal #dreams

The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

This morning, as I was driving to work, I mistook a big brown box on the side of the road for a deer. It was dark, and I swerved at the last second, and even though it wasn’t a deer, I still managed to nail that son of a bitch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#box #deer #driving #funny #humor

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

I’m in disguise. I’m disguised as myself, and I’m a master of disguise, so that’s why you couldn’t tell I was in disguise. Not even my clone could tell. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #humor #infant #nap #sleep