#absurd

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #humor #random #funny

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#age #cannibal #cannibalism #death #food

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #age

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #clones #funny #humor

Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#breakfast #food #funny #humor #love

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me? ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ass #attitude #contempt #curmudgeon #hilarious

Whereas modern cynicism brought despair about the ability of the human species to realize laudable ideals, postmodern cynicism doesn't — not because it's optimistic, but because it can't take ideals seriously in the first place. The prevailing attitude is Absurdism. A postmodern magazine may be irreverent, but not bitterly irreverent, for it's not purposefully irreverent; its aim is indiscriminate, because everyone is equally ridiculous. And anyway, there's no moral basis for passing judgment. Just sit back and enjoy the show. ↗

— Robert Wright

#darwinism #evolution #morality #postmodernism #attitude

Why go to remote parts of the world? If they’re remote, just turn them on and watch them on your couch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#silly #change

I rode my horse to the saloon, but it was out of business. The cowboy I spoke with said the bartender served the saloon’s last drink on March 5th, 1882. Guess I shouldn’t have taken so long to shower and get ready. Ah, but that’s life, no?
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— Jarod Kintz

#bartender #cowboy #life #saloon #shower