#absurd

EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY ↗

— T.H. White

#government #humor #totalitarianism #humor

I’m glad scrambled eggs don’t have lips, because when I’m grinning over a hearty breakfast, it would really freak me out to see my breakfast grinning back. I’ve eaten a man for less than that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #breakfast #eaten #funny #grinning

Whatsoever is contrary to nature is contrary to reason, and whatsoever is contrary to reason is absurd. ↗

— Baruch Spinoza

#contrary #nature #reason #whatsoever

My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blot-out #cloud #funny #humor

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#anal-sex #congress #funny #humor #politics

Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction It is already happening to some extent in our own society. Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable. ↗

— Theodore Kaczynski

#depression #drugs #pharmaceuticals #psychiatry #psychology

GOOD MORNING," said the little prince. "Good Morning," said the salesclerk. This was a salesclerk who sold pills invented to quench thirst. Swallow one a week and you no longer feel any need to drink. "Why do you sell these pills?" "They save so much time," the salesclerk said. "Experts have calculated that you can save fifty-three minutes a week." "And what do you do with those fifty-three minutes?" "Whatever you like." "If I had fifty-three minutes to spend as I liked," the little prince said to himself, "I'd walk very slowly toward a water fountain... ↗

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

#inspirational #profound #quest #simple #inspirational

A tickle, an itch, and a scratch walk into a bar while I was in the corner drinking a thermos full of epidermis, and I thought, this must be what love feels like. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bar #itch #scratch #tickle #love

I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bar #drink #ex-wife #flamingoes #frigid

Rachel got up and did this happy little shuffle, like she was some cheerful farmer chick who'd just stepped outside to find the hick she was in love with coming up the road with a calf under his arm or whatever. Why was she dancing? No reason. Just alive, I guess. ↗

— George Saunders

#dancing #happiness #humor #love