#absurd

If my last name were Om, I’d want my first name to be Fred. Fred Om isn’t worth fighting for, but an extra “e” is. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fighting #freedom #funny #humor #value

I make love with the accuracy of Joe Montana, and from a distance of up to 100 yards. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#football #joe-montana #love #sex #change

Katie cleared her throat again. Then she looked into the window at her gums. She said, "To change the subject, do you think I could tell if I had gingivitis? ↗

— M.T. Anderson

#gingivitis #humor #change

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

We all live inside the terrible engine of authority, and it grinds and shrieks and burns so that no one will say: lines on maps are silly. ↗

— Catherynne M. Valente

#authority #life #rules #society #life

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months ↗

— Josh Stern

#commercials-furniture #dating #store-humor #dating

I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #family #father #feet

What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying. ↗

— Albert Camus

#death #dying #life #living #death

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#life #philosophy #science #death