#absurd

I am interested only in "nonsense"; only in that which makes no practical sense. I am interested in life only in its absurd manifestations. ↗

— Daniil Kharms

#life

To reduce this claim of slavery to an absurdity, it is only necessary to add that there are only two states in which slaves are a majority, and not one in which the slaveholders are not a very disproportionate minority. ↗

— William H. Seward

#add #claim #disproportionate #majority #minority

Why go to remote parts of the world? If they’re remote, just turn them on and watch them on your couch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#silly #change

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size," and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family-size #funny #humor #risiculous #shower

The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accessible #blush #blushing #celebrity #delusional

I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#boston-marathon #commas #funny #gatorade #humor

I smell blood and an era of prominent madmen. ↗

— W.H. Auden

#life #writing #life

This is the story of two men who met in a banana republic. One of them never did anything dishonest in his life except for one crazy minute. The other never did anything honest in his life except for one crazy minute. ↗

— Preston Sturges

#life