#absurd

If I could fly, I would soar all the way up to the window of a plane carrying a suitcase in my hand, then I’d motion toward the plane’s door and make an annoyed face at the terrified passengers. I have a feeling I would do this a lot. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#flying #funny #humor #funny

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #ridiculous #age

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #choir #kinky #music #musical

The quality you most admire in a man? Courage moral and physical: 'anima'—the ability to think like a woman. Also a sense of the absurd. The quality you most admire in a woman? Courage moral and physical: “anima”—the ability to visualize the mind and need of a man. Also a sense of the absurd. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#courage #empathy #men #sensitivity #women

A gas station pump/jukebox. Look, my car runs on 80s music! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dream #fragment #surreal #dreams

I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, "Family Size," and I thought, That's odd, I didn't know too many families showered together. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#family-size #funny #humor #risiculous #shower

Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coffee #funny #hold #humor #jockstrap

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #lust #mirrors #naked

Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #funny

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor