#absurd

I wasn’t very far away from figuring out the secret to love, no more than two miles or so, when my camel broke down and I got shot at by a pack of cigarettes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#camel #cigarettes #figuring #love #secret

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #surreal #funny

Love is a winding mountainous road. Do you have an extra unicycle and handlebar mustache I can borrow?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #mountains #mustache #mustaches

Remember the Hottentots?" asked James. "They've become the Khoi now, which means that the Germans will have to retire that wonderful word of theirs, Hottentotenpotentatenstantenattentater, which means, as you know, one who attacks the aunt of a Hottentot potentate. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#humor #humor

Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#digging #generation #generation-x #map #nonsense

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? ↗

— Norton Juster

#bathtub #fantasy #fiction #hearing #kids

A brick represents all the evil in the world. We should start a War on Bricks. And why not? It’s more tangible, yet just as nonsensical, as the War on Terror.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #evil #tangible #war

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor #wrong #funny

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange