#absurd

There have been no sects in the Christian world, however absurd, which have not endeavoured to support their opinions by arguments drawn from Scripture. ↗

— Laurence Sterne

#been #christian #christian world #drawn #endeavoured

Money is speech. It's incongruous to say a multimillionaire can spend as much on his own campaign as he wants, but you can only give $2,300. His free speech rights are different from yours, thus violating the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution. It's absurd. ↗

— Roger Stone

#campaign #clause #constitution #different #equal

At Starbucks I like ordering a “Tall venti in a grande cup.” That’s basically me asking for a small large in a medium cup.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#barista #coffee #confusion #hassle #large

Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your coffee, or directly into your soul?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#androgynous #coffee #drink #food #generosity

I wasn’t very far away from figuring out the secret to love, no more than two miles or so, when my camel broke down and I got shot at by a pack of cigarettes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#camel #cigarettes #figuring #love #secret

Despite marking the spot, Generation X has no treasure. How could they, when I dug it up first? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#digging #generation #generation-x #map #nonsense

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? ↗

— Norton Juster

#bathtub #fantasy #fiction #hearing #kids

My brother was a great swimmer. He was as fast as a shark. Well, almost. It beat him by a half a leg's length, right below the knee. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor #wrong #funny

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange