#birth

At my last birthday party I had fun and really let myself go. Literally. I opened the cages where I keep my clones and I let myself go, all 333 versions of myself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#absurdity #birthday #clones #change

The accumulation of birthdays is the leading cause of death in the United States and other large land masses. Now while that may not be 100% accurate, it is at least 88% accurate. Actually, the last sentence itself might not have been 100% accurate, but I’m 88% sure it was. Maybe I should just brush up on fractions and percentages before making statements that are liable to hurt the funeral industry, because if birthdays aren’t killing people then it’s bad for the mortality business. And if you can’t trust somebody to die, then you can’t trust somebody. But I’m somebody you can trust. I’m at least 88% trustworthy, at least 88% of the time.   ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accurate #birthday #death #die #fractions

Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don’t. It’ll be a holiday that honors freedom.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#celebrate #death #freedom #holiday #honor

Death did this to people: making cowards, scapegoats, preachers and mourners of the living; while the dead – ignoble or not – became objects of respect for achieving something before the rest of us. ↗

— Meghna Pant

#meghna-pant #death

A gardin is where you can find a whole spectrum of life, birth and death ↗

— Tiffany Baker

#death #garden #gardening #life #death

If death is the end of life, what is birth the end of? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #death

I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coffin #death #funny #gift #humor

For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.  ↗