#christmas

Christmas is the season when most folks kill themselves/Christmas is the reason for all these stupid bells ↗

— the Handsome Family

#bah-humbug #christmas #country #twang #family

Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#diesel #humor #humor

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#christmas #humor #humor

When did wishing someone a Merry Christmas become politically incorrect? ↗

— Suzanne Woods Fisher

#christmas #inspirational #inspirational

I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men! ↗

— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

#men

On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind. ↗

— David Sedaris

#holidays #santa-claus #business

Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, our science, our religion." ~ (1889-1970), American religious leader. ↗

— Ralph Sockman

#art

They spent pork-barrel money like a tidal-wave sea, but no funds trickled down far enough to reach me. Our books numbered few and were falling apart, and I sat mending pages with a crestfallen heart. ↗

— David Davis

#christmas #jobs #librarian #library #money

Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." ~ Bing Crosby (1904-1977), American singer and film actor. ↗

— Bing Crosby

#film

A beep on the nose is a sign of great affection ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#christmas