#dating

I don't know how Haley put up with you for the last few weeks. I would have killed you by now." "Haley worships me," he said with a snort. "Yeah, okay," Brad said, laughing. "That's why she dates other men and screws you over just to laugh at you." "Exactly." Brad looked over at him. "You are a seriously f*cked up man, aren't you? ↗

— R.L. Mathewson

#rl-mathewson #dating

I’ve said over and over again jokingly that the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men—an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered. ↗

— Steve Harvey

#dating-advice #men #women #dating

Just remember, girls: The young male vampire is a predator by nature. Some boys may look at you not only as a romantic interest, but as prey... ↗

— Beth Fantaskey

#dating

Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. ↗

— Yvonne Prinz

#funny #marriage #dating

Attract, Comfort, and Seduce. ↗

— Erik Von Markovik

#dating

Junction nineteen! Una, she came off at Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love life, anyway?" Oh GOD. Why can't married people understand that this is no longer a polite question to ask? We wouldn't rush up to THEM and roar, "How's your marriage going? Still having sex?" Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is not the happy-go-lucky free-for-it-all it was when you were twenty-two and that the honest answer is more likely to be, "Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a narcotic addict/a commitment phobic and beat me up with a dildo," than, "Super, thanks. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humor #dating

The harder you slam a ball into the ground, the higher it bounces back up... A divorce, a breakup, losing a job, or just feeling seriously down can ground you, rough you up a bit, leave calluses on your feet and grit under your finger nails. But more than that, it leaves you wiser and stronger next time... Life is about experiencing opposites isn’t it? ↗

— Laurel House

#dating-advice #heartbreak #lessons-learned #dating

Amazing how being bathed in arterial blood can wash out any lingering romantic disappointments. ↗

— Diana Peterfreund

#dating #dating

Okay, why don't we practice your talking with Marguerite? OUT LOUD. I'll be her." Julius stared at him blankly. "Now?" "No, I was thinking maybe next April. Then you could maybe give her a call, arrange a date..." He arched his eyebrow in question, and snapped, "Yes, NOW. ↗

— Lynsay Sands

#julius #dating

He stroked a hand across my shoulders. "You know, I've never seen this agressively intellectual side of you before. It's rather disturbing and yet somehow a little sexy." Which is pretty much how we define our relationship", I said. ↗

— Molly Harper

#molly-harper #dating