#drunken

I’m a lifeguard at a brewery. When someone falls in a vat, I jump in after them and start gulping. It makes me feel good after letting people drown. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#funny #funny

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up. ↗

— Jimmy Kimmel

#drunken #every #funny #guy #high

Oh dear! A drunken infidel weaver! said Mr. Hale to himself. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#infidelity

I loved the full heat of being drunk, like I was made of melting chocolate and spreading in all directions. ↗

— Leslie Jamison

#drunk #drunken-behaviour #drunkenness #love

I am tough for a reason and it is to fucking destroy the music. I dance hard. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#music #music

One more drink and I'll be under the host. ↗

— Mae West

#drinking #drunkenness #drinking

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
 ↗

— Winston Churchill

#drunkenness #retort #classics

It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken. ↗

— Aristotle

#best #drunken #life #neither #nor

Writing a novel is one of those modern rites of passage, I think, that lead us from an innocent world of contentment, drunkenness, and good humor, to a state of chronic edginess and the perpetual scanning of bank statements. ↗

— J. G. Ballard

#chronic #contentment #drunkenness #good #humor