#er

This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..." "Repair boy." "Very funny, Piper. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #piper-mclean #funny

That's the funny thing about trying to escape. You never really can. Maybe temporarily, but not completely. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#jennifer-l-armentrout #onyx #funny

Gay sex, one. Straight sex, zero ↗

— Dani Alexander

#m-m #mystery #ofy #romance #funny

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la! ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #perfect-chemistry #rules-of-attraction #simone-elkeles

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#funny #gaga #germanotta #hilarious #interview

A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one in return. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #interest #lending #funny

Jem gave her a wistful look. “Must you go? I was rather hoping that you’d stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must.” “I’ll stay,” Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. “I can minister angelically.” “None too convincingly. And you’re not as pretty to look at as Tessa is,” Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared it to gazing at the radiance of the sun.” Jem still had his eyes closed. “If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #jem-carstairs #will-herondale #friendship

Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything. ↗

— Gustave Flaubert

#anything #artists #attain #cannot #everything

Google “brooklyn writer” and you’ll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it? ↗

— Colson Whitehead

#brooklyn #funny #writers #funny