#funny

I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#courage #cowardly #flashlights #funny #humor

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #game #humor #life #love

In this world only the paranoid survive. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#funny #paranoid #wise #world #funny

The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor #funny

Something about this made Reynie uneasy. Had he done so badly? Was this meant to test his courage? He did as he was told, closing his eyes and bracing himself as best he could. "Why are you flinching?" the pencil woman asked. "I don't know. I thought maybe you were going to slap me." "Don't be ridiculous. I could slap you perfectly well with your eyes open. I'm only going to blindfold you. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #courage

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#fight #funny #humor #courage

Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#bloodlines #funny #richelle-mead #the-golden-lily #dating

It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #murderer #politician #politics #rapist

I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating #funny #humor #one-liner #ridiculous

Mr. Cruncher... always spoke of the year of our Lord as Anna Dominoes: apparently under the impression that the Christian era dated from the invention of a popular game, by a lady who had bestowed her name upon it. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#dating