#funny

Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #family

He`s quite extraordinary with his moves and spins. I think he was a baton girl in a past life [on his co-star Hayden Christensen]. ↗

— Ewan McGregor

#funny #humor #star-wars #funny

so this crow comes and it starts quacking at us. ↗

— Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

#funny-and-random #funny

According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can't reach, and it certainly wasn't free. ↗

— Josh Lieb

#robot #funny

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

Men were good for one thing only. Killing spiders. Other than that, I was on my own. It was sad though. Where was the chivalry of yesteryear? ↗

— Kate Carlisle

#funny #kate-carlisle #funny

Love liberates one from the oppression of independence. It locks one out of the egalitarianism of solitary confinement. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #prison #freedom

Adamant," Doren said proudly, handing over the shield. "We fished it out of the tar pit where we found the shirt of mail." "Probably all belonged to the same careless adventurer," Newel speculated. "Too much money, not enough talent. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor #money #talent #funny

Especially well known around the office is my weakness for dyspareunist women. Most people would find such disparity in unity repelling, but it harmonizes perfectly with my personal tastes. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #harmony #funny

...what was the good of being a movie werewolf? You howled at the moon; you couldn't remember what you did, and then somebody shot you. ↗

— Anne Rice

#werewolf-tales #wolf-man #funny