#funny

jace's clothes had been clean,stylish,ordinary. Sebastian had been wearing a long black wool trench coat that had looked expensive. Like an evil Burbeery ad, Simon said when she was done. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon #funny

The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table was stainless steel sprayed down with disinfectant, the ball brand new, and everybody playing wore gloves and hairnets underneath their space suits. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#comedy-humor #comical #funny #funny-humor #humor

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full of every drug that they can legally give me! I was so shocked, my only repsonse was, 'Well, he was conceived backstage at a concert, so it's sort of fitting for him to be born at one. ↗

— S.C. Stephens

#funny #humor #kiera #reckless #funny

I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #australia #delusion #delusional #desire

I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny #humor #sex #funny

Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #moderation #funny

When I’m 42, I’ll have 21 years of experience being 21. I’ll be doubly prepared to handle myself in a bar, most likely by avoiding them altogether. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

The brilliant escape, the funny line to cap it, despite the lack of timing. And the girl was still dead. The last act had not materialised. The world, and himself, remained so far from what they should be: so imperfect. ↗

— Paul Cornell

#funny