#funny

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #age

If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#awesome #bizarre #cancer #funny #humor

Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But don’t take my word for it, because I’m not a dentist. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

In the throes of passion, I threw out an I love you. Did I mean it? Does a dictionary mean what it says? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I live for the moment and love for eternity. I mean I’d like to, but I’m too impatient for either. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#albino #funny #humor #love #surrealism

Love is, or you isn’t. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age