#funny

I’ve often thought of becoming a professional hat designer. I’d make hats with many feathers, hats that wake you up in the morning, hats that lay eggs, and, most importantly, hats that can be eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dinner #feathers #funny-hats #lunch #strange

I’m very much down to earth, just not this earth. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#designer #down-to-earth #earth #fashion #funny

If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick?" -April "What?" -Grace "The Dynamic Duo!" -April "Um, I'm pretty sure sidekicks have to have super powers, too. -Grace "Oh Yeah... Okay, but you can always use an Alfred." April "My Alfred?" -Grace "Oh come on Please I can help you design gadgets and stuff. Oh! I can design you outfits for crime fighting!" -April " *sigh* Okay. Sure. But no spandex" -Grace ↗

— Bree Despain

#design

I thought of becoming an interior designer, but I decided to just reorient my furniture so people will think I’m gay. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#homosexuality #humor #design

In one universe, they are gorgeous, straight-teethed, long-legged, wrapped in designer fashions, and given sports cars on their sixteenth birthdays. Teacher smile at them and grade them on the curve. They know the first names of the staff. They are the Pride of the Trojans. Oops – I mean Pride of the Blue Devils. In Universe #2, they throw parties wild enough to attract college students. They worship the stink of Eau de Jocque. They rent beach houses in Cancún during Spring Break and get group-rate abortions before prom. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#design

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ↗

— George Carlin

#dream #funny #humor #wealth #dreams

Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future. ↗

— Bauvard

#contraception #funny #humor #funny

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #future #humor #love #lust

Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#bad-ass #funny #dreams

On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #surreal #dreams