#funny

You didn't have to go to the fireworks with him. Or - or let him fondle you." "Fondle?" Raisa raised her eyebrows, "When did I mention fondling? ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#funny #raisa #funny

We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #trees #funny

Arjuro made a scoffing sound. ‘You think Lumatere will invade because of you? Are you that important?’ Froi looked away. ‘Isaboe would invade if you kidnapped a servant, let alone a friend.’ ‘Isaboe? We’re on first-name terms with the Queen of Lumatere, are we?’ Gargarin asked. Froi found himself bristling. ‘What? Do you think I’m some cutthroat for hire who they found hanging around the palace walls with the words “I want to kill a Charynite King” tattooed on my arse? ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#froi #funny #sarcasm #funny

Because she left him a MySpace message that was semi-flirty, and then today he was very vague about what he was doing. So I headed over to his house and waited outside until he left. And now he’s at McDonald’s, and I’m following him to see where else he’s going.” MySpace is seriously going to be responsible for everyone losing their minds. ↗

— Lauren Barnholdt

#young-adult #funny

Dallas popped his jaw. “I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #funny

I have to console myself with the hope that I'd seen Isabeau soften, even hesitate, as if she might actually have taken my arm. It was suddenly very easy to picture her in a gown with petticoats and ringlets in her hair and diamonds at her throat. It was just as easy to picture Magda with horns and pitchfork." - Logan, page 95 ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#funny

If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know. " Simon never had much patience with Jace. "Look, did you ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I was something in a petri dish? Next time I'll send you a photo. " "And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand, " said Jace sarcastically. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

I want to be a man of mountaintops: to scale the heights, achieve a sublime transcendence, and breathe in the thin air. Transcendence requires suffocation. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#suffocation #transcendence #funny

Aside from murder alibis and kinky sex, what good are clones? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #kinky-sex #murder #funny

Are you two you know?" Jacob pointed at us. " Together? Together? " I didn't get a chance to answer. Cam spun me around and kissed me, right there between the two buildings. It was no friendly peck on the lips. When our tongues touched, my bag slipped off my arm and hit the frosted ground. "Holy crap," Jacob muttered. "I think they're going to make babies. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #funny #j-lynn #jacob #jacob-massen