#funny

We were at the White House a couple of weeks ago," the man says, "they had a state dinner for Prince Charles and Camilla. Listen, those royals are just the finest people, no pretensions to them whatsoever. You can talk to Prince Charles about anything." Billy nods. There's a silence. Just in time he asks, "What did you talk about?" "Hunting," the man answers. ↗

— Ben Fountain

#rich-people #royal-family #family

All the kids with fancy shoes or clothes, do you know what I got with a family of nine? When ever we said let's play poker, we had a full team of adults right there. ↗

— Julia Marriott

#fancy #fun #funny #kids #laugh

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Funny thing- Morgenstern's folk's were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor. ↗

— William Goldman

#family #funny #miracle-max #s-morgenstern #the-princess-bride

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #random #random-thought #silly

Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blood #crazy #culinary #food

I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#eating #food #funny #gorge #humor

A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought it was better to show than tell anyway, so I hope you can forgive me.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Isn’t it funny? You forgive people before they ask forgiveness. Later they expect your apologize. ↗

— M.F. Moonzajer

#expect #funny #forgiveness

I’ll name my firstborn child Squiblob, after his mother. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #mother #strange #funny