#funny

You,” Madeline said, her voice hollow and wheezing, “are a bad case of herpes, wizard. You’re inconvenient, embarrassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#funny

Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you’d sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need? ↗

— Jayde Scott

#funny

A jealous woman does better Research than the FBI. ↗

— Aetiyuel Williams

#humor #funny

Obsessive compulsive" Nikolaus mumble in amusement. "I would rather eat a grenade than make a line with two different colors!" Remy responded in a pained voice as he pointed at the pad of paper. Thiago snickered as he continued to torment the Cajun with his blue pen. Speaking of grenades, though... Brandt had a timing device around here somewhere. What had he done with it? ↗

— Abigail Roux

#funny

Boys don’t gossip.” “Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.” This was a disturbing prospect. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #funny

What do you think is the problem? You’re a cute kid-­‐uh, guy. Man. You’re a cute man. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #funny

It dawned on him that he really could be a cop if he wanted to, and it dawned on him that he'd had this revelation while eating a donut, and it that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what was. ↗

— Doug Dorst

#funny

A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I'm sitting in the bleachers, watching longingly as all the boys and umbumped girls in my Personal Health and Fitness class play Muggle Quidditch. I don't even like the game very much, I think it's silly, but I so miss physical activity that I'd be thrilled if I could run around the gymnasium with a broom between my legs, chasing after the human snitch wearing a gold pinny. ↗

— Megan McCafferty

#harry-potter-related #quidditch #funny