#funny

what if they make me stay? To keep me safe?”“I wouldn’t, if I were them.” “What do you mean?”“Any minute now . . .”Two seconds later, the sound of an alarm filled my ears. “What did you do?” I said over the noise as he backed up toward the bathroom door. “The girl who gave you the note?” “Yes . . .” “I caught her staring at my lighter.” I blinked. “You gave a child, in a psych ward, a lighter. ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#timing #funny

When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other. About Alex and Brittany. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

I stared at Irys. My Story Weaver had to be laughing his blue ass off right now. My future appeared to be a long twisted road fraught with knots, tangles and traps. Just the way I liked it. ↗

— Maria V. Snyder

#funny #funny

You're a little bit of a show-off. First you get us out of hell. And then you defeat like the biggest, baddest Watcher on the books, and then you go on a high-speed, very high-altitude chase, and then you resuscitate the dead. Are you done? Because seriously, I don't know if I can take any more excitement. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#friendship #funny #teasing #friendship

Brookfield High School. How may I direct your call? No, sir, this is not a waste- disposal unit, I'm afraid you have the wrong number. ↗

— Jaclyn Moriarty

#high-school #funny

And why does he talk so funny? Doesn't he mean squashed tomatoes? I don't think that they had tomatoes when he comes from, said Bod. And that's just how they talk then. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#time #funny

I’ve been practicin’ my morgue face for when I have to go identify your body. Wanna see it?” Nick said then he arranged his face in this kind of mock, sad, shocked look and slowly shook his head like a world with vigilante social workers mystified him. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

Of course I wasn't abused. If I were; things would be so simple. I'd have a reason to for being in a shrinks office. I'd have a justification and something to work on. The world wasn't going to give me something that tidy. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

Irene gasped. "Have you taken leave of your senses, Stuart?" she hissed. "Have you?" Stuart closed his eyes. "No," he said. "Au contraire." It was strong language for the Edinburgh New Town, but he had to say it. "Don't au contraire me," said Irene. But it was too late. He had. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#funny

Are you always an asshole?" "No. There's just something about you that brings it out in me." I cocked my brow at him. "You're right. I lied. I'm always an asshole. ↗

— Nyrae Dawn

#funny #funny