#funny

...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps. ↗

— Jimmy Gownley

#funny

Don't get me wrong. Sacramento is a lovely place, particularly for those with a fondness for methamphetamines. For the meth-addled, Sacramento had conveniently placed a Greyhound bus station just yards from the statehouse where Austria's finest was sworn in as governor of the great state of California. ↗

— J. Maarten Troost

#meth #sacramento #funny

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual. ↗

— Carrie Harris

#football #funny #manual #nerd #funny

Groupies? Did BDSM have groupies? ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#funny

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny

Did you notice anything funny about Edwart in class? I think I love him,” I said nonchalantly. “Well, he did look kind of angry when you fell and disconnected his computer charger.” So it wasn’t all in my mind; others had noticed Edwart’s awareness of me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

Laura's problem was that she kept casting men in roles they weren't suited for. Like lovely Josh, casting him in the role of decent, kind house-husband, the perfect partner, the modern male, when - what was it that she'd actually loved about him, really? Laura tried to think, and couldn't come up with an answer. He was a great man - kind, funny, clever, hard working - but there was no way he was the man for her, she realised now. Why hadn't she seen it? ↗

— Harriet Evans

#funny

Hey, he's not using a holster," I said, glancing at Alex's on the dresser. He laughed out loud. "Yeah, I guess he must want something shooting off. It'd be so great if these things were true to life - the next scene would show him at hospital like, clutching himself in agony."'Angel - L.A.Weatherly ↗

— L.A.Weatherly

#comedy #funny #funny

I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#funny-and-random #ipad #men #funny

Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write in cursive and am endorsing checks for money I can’t recall earning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #stealing #funny