#funny

To me love is like a cup of soapy dishwater. Sure, I’ll drink it, but I won’t swish it around in my mouth while you try to stuff filthy silverware down my throat. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#president #rape #title #funny

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend. ↗

— Lucy Liu

#boyfriend #buy #everything #funny #i

You, the actor, must be aware of when you're being funny, but the character you're playing should always be oblivious to the fact. ↗

— Jon Lovitz

#always #aware #being #being funny #character

We were young(ish) when we first fell in love. I was however old I am now minus the number of years it has been since that first day. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #young #funny

I'm dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That's seven men. I'm like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny

I can only drive slowly." "That's all right." "And I can only do left turns." Rose ran downstairs, grabbed a road atlas, and ran triumphantly back up again. "Wales is left! Look! It's left all the way! ↗

— Hilary McKay

#funny #kids #left #sisters #trip

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour. ↗

— Nancy Springer

#funny #holmes #mysteries #nancy #springer

Hey,” Shayne said through the door. “You going to stay in there all night, because we’re getting tired of trying to eavesdrop from out here. Can’t hear a damn thing. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't. ↗

— Olivia Munn

#funny #going #i #i think #sexy