#funny

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny

Is it just me, or do you also think this is unnatural behavior in a female parent? Isn't there a federal law that says mothers are not allowed to laugh at vulnerable male children when they are required to wear stupid clothing to work? There should be. ↗

— A.E. Cannon

#funny #guide #life #loser-s #love

So where did you get your information? Werewolves for Dummies? No, wait, you watched Underworld? Or maybe you were raised by wolves? Stop me when I’m warm.” - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#humor #paranormal #paranormal-romance #shifters #urban-fantasy

You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” - Kye ↗

— Krista Alasti

#funny #humor #paranormal #paranormal-romance #shifters

The funniest people are the saddest once ↗

— Confucius

#people #sad #funny

A boo is a lot louder than a cheer. ↗

— Lance Armstrong

#funny #life #rejection #funny

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#hero #sarcasm #funny

As I was driving down Beach Blvd., I saw a building that said, "Self Storage," and I thought, "I wonder if my ego could possibly fit in just one unit. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #self-storage #funny

It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #truth #funny

But there's a juicy artery in your groin," he said after a pause to regroup, his voice as slithery as a snake on a slide. "Don't you talk dirty," I told him. "I won't listen to that. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#salacious-talk #funny