#funny

I’d even had business cards made up reading, ABIGAIL COOPER, P.I. with teeny-weeny little letters underneath in parentheses spelling out PSYCHIC INTUITIVE. Most people think I’m trying to be clever. The truth is, I’m a chickenshit. ↗

— Victoria Laurie

#p-i #psychic #woard #business

NOTHING TO DO BUT ALWAYS BUSY ↗

— Rigas

#business

I just acquired a choir. I bought it for a song.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#buy #choir #consumption #deal #funny

Eve returned to her lip-gloss application. "Biology. Ms Whittier," she said, not bothering to look at Luke. "Cool. Me too. Can I borrow that?" He reached around her and plucked her lip glaze out of her fingers. She still held the wand. He held out his hand for it. "What? No," Eve said. "Come on, it's my first day. I want to make a good impression. And clearly biology can't be understood without lipstick," Luke joked. "Funny." Eve grabbed the lip glaze back. "This stuff is really good for you." Luke raised his eyebrows. They disappeared into his floppy blond hair. He didn't have expressive dark brows like Mal. "It has green tea antioxidants," Eve continued. "And macadamia extract and aloe vera for healing." "Oh. That's different then," Luke said. "Carry on. ↗

— Amy Meredith

#eve #luke #shadows #funny

Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #hope #humor #life

If my last name were Om, I’d want my first name to be Fred. Fred Om isn’t worth fighting for, but an extra “e” is. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fighting #freedom #funny #humor #value

I want to be the first and second man to dance on the moon. No, I won’t moonwalk. But I will Cha Cha—with my clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #funny #humor #moon #change

If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #lazy #naughty #change

Why were you watching me change?" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy?" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again. ↗

— Miranda Kenneally

#change

I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mind #change