#funny

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ↗

— George Burns

#boy #dead #i #only #sea

Nine out of 10 times these guys will hit it-they'll be on something incredibly funny, but one out of 10, two out of 10, they'll fall flat on their faces. That's what makes them great actors: they take those chances, they don't play it safe. ↗

— Peter Farrelly

#faces #fall #flat #funny #great

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute. ↗

— William Feather

#about #another #astute #both #buys

I didn't dream about you last night. I woke up in fear. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ↗

— George Carlin

#belief #die #gets #goes #roof

Electricity is really just organized lightning. ↗

— George Carlin

#electricity #just #lightning #organized #really

Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights their forefathers had fought and died for. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#democracy #ettiquette #freedom #freedom-of-speech #funny

I play a female Indiana Jones, a professor who hunts down precious objects, like a bowl that belonged to the Buddha. They tailored the role to me: I wanted to be smart, funny, and to kick some ass. ↗

— Tia Carrere

#belonged #bowl #buddha #down #female

It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to laugh. ↗

— Abel Ferrara

#funny #get #hardest #improvised #laugh

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships