#funny

I had spent many years before I was 31 hearing people tell me, Oh Man, you're so funny, you need to be in television. But that and a quarter won't get you on a bus. ↗

— Chi McBride

#bus #funny #get #had #hearing

If yage were a word that meant “maturity,” then every single woman I’ve dated has been at least twice my yage. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #maturity #women #age

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

...it woke me up, got me focused back on my current tasks: find Libby, save Libby, find James, kiss James, maul James, press James for details on Stiles, find Stiles, fight Stiles, find Morgan, find his bride, make them fall in love, make Naomi understand, make Libby normal again, kiss James again, eat a few prices of fruit. Total order. ↗

— Beth Bloom

#humor #run-on-sentence #run-on-sentence-award #funny

I have never committed a sin. I am committed to sin, and my adoration will never waver. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sin #funny

It's funny, but when there are dominant teams, there are a number of people who rail about the fact that they're always seeing the Dallas Cowboys or the San Francisco 49ers or the Green Bay either in the playoffs or in the Super Bowl. ↗

— Al Michaels

#always #bay #bowl #cowboys #dallas

I can speak Esperanto like a native. ↗

— Spike Milligan

#i #i can #like #native #speak

A brick is something solid, stable, and yet edgy. In other words, it’s everything a politician isn’t.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Do I mind losing? No, because losses and wins are just the bricks on the path to success. Both losing and winning are needed to find prosperity.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

So while it is true that I find really dark stuff funny sometimes, it's also true that as a writer of books I want to have the whole range of human emotions. ↗

— Rick Moody

#books #dark #emotions #find #funny