#funny

Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers?' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing! ↗

— Steven Erikson

#banaschar #drunk #explanations #funny #hellian

A rap at the back door made her jump, and she peered through the window for a long time before she eased open the door a crack. She left the security chain on. "What do you want, Richard?" Richard Morrell's police cruiser was parked in the drive. He hadn't flashed any lights or howled any sirens, so she supposed it wasn't an emergency, exactly. But she knew him well enough to know he didn't pay social visits, at least not to the Glass House. "Good question," Richard said. "I guess I want a nice girl who can cook, likes action movies, and looks good in short skirts. But I'll settle for you taking the chain off the door and letting me in. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #richard #what-you-want #funny

And isn't it funny how if one person speaks for real, then the other person can too? We just did that. We just became friends. It's just a matter of finding the right person and crossing that barrier together, almost like you're holding hands, but really you're holding the most tender place inside you. ↗

— Laura Pritchett

#laura-pritchett #love #funny

Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So went to him and knelt, which shut him up. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#funny #humor #relationships #ya #funny

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. ↗

— Natalie Wood

#baby #changing #man #only #only time

I make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #art

So what's it to be, Bear?" Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh. "By golly, I'll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a side of mutilation and pain? Sign my hairy ass up for that and don't be late. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#sarcastic #funny

Sometimes I’ll forget a utensil’s name, and I’ll say, “Give me that pointy thing,” as I point with my pointy finger. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #point #utensil #funny

She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #spoon #funny

Whatever happened to the dragon?" I mustered my primmest tone. "He has a name, you know." Adrian pulled back and gave me a curious look. "I didn't know, actually. What'd you decide on?" "Hopper" When Adrian laughed, I added "Best rabbit ever. He'd be proud to know his name is being passed on." "Yes, I'm sure he would. Did you name the Mustang too?" "I think you mean the Ivashkinator." He stared at me in wonder. "I told you I loved you, right? "Yes," I assured him. "Many Times ↗

— Richelle Mead

#bloodlines #cute #funny #humour #love