#funny

To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dinner #funny #humor #perfect-date #sex

If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this summer. I recommend wearing them in conjunction with my Sensitivity Pants, which are so tight they show the emotion betrayed by your crotch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Sexton: I think the whole world's gone mad. Death: Uh-uh. It's always like this. You probably just don't get out enough. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death

Did he die badly?" "Well..." "-Hey, so did my father! Our water was undrinkable for weeks. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #wells #death

I watched a lot of silent directors who were absolutely great like John Ford and Fritz Lang, Tod Browning, and also some very modern directors like The Coen Brothers. The directors take the freedom within their own movies to be melodramatic or funny when they chose to be. They do whatever they want and they don't care about the genre. ↗

— Michel Hazanavicius

#absolutely #also #brothers #browning #care

The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clever #cowboy #cowboys #creative #creativity

Now that I'm more mature, in a funny way, I can even appreciate that I've bad to become more aware of my body. Since I've chosen acting as my career, I have to keep my weight down anyway-I've been used to it for years, so it's no problem. And there's nothing I can't do. ↗

— Dana Hill

#appreciate #aware #bad #become #been

You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny. ↗

— Steve Irwin

#bite #dynamite #even #fast #funny

Never put a sock in a toaster. ↗

— Eddie Izzard

#never #put #sock #toaster

I don't believe in magic. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny