#funny

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#desire #flavor #food #funny #humor

Or [take] the old cripple worried about choking on his vitamins or tripping if he tries to hobble over that wide crack in the sidewalk. He won’t be bound by mere experience - he renounces it all together as something confusing; the very moment it occurs, it’s forgotten entirely. The young today don’t really live. They take no pills to give their day structure… ↗

— Benson Bruno

#experience #funny #living-life-to-the-full #experience

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to keep your sandwich pressed down, so your meat doesn't spill out.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#prison #food

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world. ↗

— Artie Lange

#being #big #boss #funny #got

Nothing conceals a woman's age like musky perfume. It makes her smell as ancient as Persia. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #perfume #women #age

Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish. ↗

— Denis Leary

#away #becomes #been #believes #bill

I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. ↗

— Heath Ledger

#funny #good #i #just #naturally

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age