#funny

If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #lawyer #dating

If a girl doesn't feel like crying for help when she's with her date, she isn't prepared to be in a relationship. The only difference is that on a date someone might come to her rescue. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #relationships #dating

I'm a straightforward guy. I give straight answers to unsolved mysteries, I wait to date hermaphrodites until after they get a sex change, and I never eat funnel cakes before untwisting them. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sincerity #change

I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.” He groaned and shifted in his chair. “Soon. I want to be that soon.” Then a look came over him. “Oh Gina…I didn’t even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes! ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #romantic #dating

I'm a door-to-door telemarketer. I knock on phone booths and trade numbers, then verify a customer's credit card when she calls for a date. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #sales #telemarketing #dating

I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #family #father #feet

A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively and inclusively agreeing not to date me, it's like the first time in human history a collective has ever fully agreed on something. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three.....and so on. Nesta ↗

— Cathy Hopkins

#soul-mates #the-one #dating

All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up. Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #dating

Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said. The horse whinnied angrily. "I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#silly-chinese-canadian-baby-man #death