#funny

Jay lurched in one direction, jerked back, lurched in another, tripped for no reason. He finally made it through a gauntlet of invisible obstacles and crouched behind a water fountain shaped like a hippopotamous throwing up. ↗

— Adam Rex

#random #age

Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty fifth but afterward quickly become stale and are put on the shelf. ↗

— Andrew Davidson

#humor #life #women #age

Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dangerous #dangerously #food #fruit #funny

Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios? ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#cheerios #funny #vee-sky #anger

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. ↗

— Sarah Silverman

#even #funny #harsh #i #i think

I show them the funny part, the silly part, the laughing part, the crazy part and then the really deep, deep part where I'm talking from my heart to these people. Because I've been through everything they've been through. ↗

— Richard Simmons

#been #crazy #deep #everything #funny

People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better press than people who are just funny and smart. ↗

— Howard Simons

#calls #funny #get #just #much

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought. ↗

— Susan Sontag

#funny #little #pieces #portable #thought