#funny

Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree? ↗

Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast. ↗

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #awesome #bar #bizarre #drinking

Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #love #no #now #time

I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.  ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#corruption #funny #humor #love #politicians

The rich old men start the wars, but it’s the poor young men who portend them. If they didn't get old and rich, some excuse might have to be found to launch invasions. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #old-age #poverty #war #wealth

I'm falling into disrepair ↗

— Anne Tyler

#funny-but-sad #age

I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #sunrise #age

Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.  ↗