#funny

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. ↗

— Elayne Boosler

#been #divorced #i #married #me

Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#finnick #funny #humour #hunger-games #katniss

I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#eggs #funny #relationships #witty #witty

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beards #children #dada #funny #funny-quotes

I like to spoon after I fork. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fork #funny #humor #spoon #witty

You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#aliens #extra-terrestrial #flies #fly #flying

I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #insensitive #love #age

I am the broth of love. Make soup to me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I make love like I make lasagna: with extra meat. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #lasagna #love #age

Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#feeling #funny #humor #love #age