#funny

What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #name-calling #funny

Ever heard of the rule of three? he shouts as we run. No! If you save somebody's life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I'm all yers. ↗

— Moira Young

#funny #humor #moira-young #rule #funny

She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#morning #paul #yeva #funny

Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. “Oh my God, what is THAT?” I used my thumb and middle finger to flick the multicolored pom-pom on top of my head. “In my language, we call it a HAT. It keeps my ears warm.” “Oh my God,” Sam said again, and closed the distance between us. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me. “It’s horribly cute.” He kissed me, looked at the hat, and then he kissed me again. I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny #love #shiver-maggie-stiefvater-space #funny

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny. ↗

— Bruce Springsteen

#funny

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world! ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #random #the-maze-runner #funny

What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #humor #funny

This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#girlfriend #humor #neighbors #sex #funny

She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing… "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty." Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #kate #funny

I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there, but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way. ↗

— Jarvis Cocker

#big #bit #brought #certain #certain way