#funny

Bones just stared. "You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #funny #funny

Time has a funny way of airbrushing relationships, removing all the things that were wrong so when you look back it looks much better than it really was. ↗

— Alexandra Potter

#funny

Funny to think that every day you have ever lived is a yesterday, and you will never live one single tomorrow. But then again, every day is a today when you’re living it. ↗

— Mik Everett

#inspirational #life #philosophy #today #funny

Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those big, comfy granny panties she’s got on. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#funny

Constant exposure to evil leads to tolerance. That’s how people are able to withstand its good effects so permissively. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #good #humor #toleration #funny

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#humor #optimism #pessimism #funny

Are you in charge here?" the man asks. "No, but I'm full of ideas! ↗

— Dr. Who

#dr-who #funny #funny-and-random #ideas #management

I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#avoiding #evasive #fear #funny #humor

Take off your shirt." Jace raised his eyebrows. "I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning." "Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #clary-fray #funny #humor #jace-lightwood

I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#efficiency #entitled #entitlement #funny #government