#funny

Mom, camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. ↗

— Yvonne Prinz

#funny #marriage #dating

Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body. ↗

— Beth Fantaskey

#funny #vampire #dating

I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead #death #funny #hate #late

I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#body #cop-car #death #funny #murder

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#ron-weasley #death

Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #ron-weasley #death

Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #war #death

I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#breathe #death #funny #mirror #vain

-My son was 32 when he died.
 -Degrees? So he froze to death, huh? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-dialogue #death

We all must die, but only I put the “must” in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #random #death