#funny

I winced. I just said "creamed." I felt so deprived and miserably virginal. ↗

— Hayden Thorne

#masks #virginal #funny

Sorry. Accident. Couldn't be helped. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#sacre-bleu #funny

To hell with the "dislike" button! I think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. Just saying.... oh and a "lol" button because I just get tired of writing it! lol! --- ↗

— cooldancer

#funny

I angle my head down and peer up at him through my lashes in what I hope is an alluring manner. I have zero experience in this area though, so it’s possible I look like a total moron. ↗

— Rachel Morgan

#faerie-guardian #funny #experience

Well," said Clary, after a judicious pause, "I guess you wouldn't have taken advantage of her when she's so grief-stricken and all." Simon snorted. "If you ever meet the man who could take advantage of Isabelle, you'll have to let me know. I'd like to shake his hand. Or run away from him very fast, I'm not sure which. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny-and-random #isabelle-lightwood #funny

When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life. ↗

— Annette Curtis Klause

#circus #dating #funny #girls #humor

He dug his heels into his horse's flanks and sped down the path. He heard the others call out behind him, but he ignored them. He was sure Karl and Johan and the others would have searched the rosebush and that entire are carefully enough; there was nothing to learn there. But he wanted to get to the hunting lodge, to find Prince Grigori and punch him in the nose for losing Petunia, and then make certain that her sisters were alright. And then her would find Petunia, and he would bring her home. ↗

— Jessica Day George

#funny #oliver #petunia #prince-grigori #rescue

Oh here's a nice one, he brown recluse spider. This once resides in wooded areas. In other words, next to my head while I'm sleeping. ' In a small number of cases, a bite from a brown recluse can produce organ damage with occasional fatalities.' " "That's the worst-case scenario. how can it be? It's called a 'recluse'" "It's been my experience that all recluses have a mean streak. ↗

— Yvonne Prinz

#mothers-and-daughters #spiders #experience

The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #sunset #funny

The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy. ↗

— Bauvard

#celebrities #funny #humor #funny