#funny

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#funny #funny

It's funny how when you're little, you miss all the little lies. They float right past you, but you don't wonder about them much. For a long time, you think this is just something adults still do after being kids - pretend. Then one day you wake up and realize most of the world you're in is built on someone's make-believe. ↗

— V.C. Andrews

#funny

We still have a lot to talk about," I said. "Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss, he whispered to my thoughts. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #kiss #nora-and-patch #nora-grey

Turgenev was a very serious fellow but he could make me laugh because a truth first encountered can be very funny. When someone else's truth is the same as your truth, and he seems to be saying it just for you, that's great. ↗

— Charles Bukowski

#funny

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. ↗

— Emo Philips

#hand #here #how #many #people

Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. ↗

— Emo Philips

#door #friend #i #imaginary #kid

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. ↗

— Emo Philips

#alone #i #night #other #sleeping

Here’s a little jingle I wrote about mulch: Mulch--sprinkle, sprinkle, dance, dance, use it with a friend, and use it on your plants. (Not a paid advertisement by the mulching industry) ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dance #funny #jingle #random #silly

I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny