#funny

I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#funny-and-random #shop #shopaholic #shopping #funny

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat. ↗

— Adam Rex

#funny

Would you die if I wished hard enough? ↗

— Viral

#gurren-lagann #funny

My friends... ↗

— John McCain

#funny #government #presidents #speech #funny

Everybody's funny if you love them. ↗

— Anna Torv

#funny #love #them #you

We danced like an eagle and a dolphin in a blender, and then we made love like those plastic plates with the dividers molded in so the food stays separate and never touches.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dancing #division #dolphin #eagle #food

A brick could be used as a Love Detector. Yes, it's true! Find the love of your life today. Don't hesitate! To find out how, please mail a check or money order to:
 Jarod Kintz
 12321 Gullible Dr.
 Jacksonville, Fl 32202
 (Actual brick not included.) ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#brick-and-blanket-test #divergence-test #funny #humor #love

There you go. Perfect. And can you still throw up at will like you could in sixth grade? That would be good. ↗

— Adam Rex

#gross #age

With age comes arthritis, accompanied by a more abstract form of rigidity. Occasionally though, when your birthday presents are books by history’s greatest minds, age brings theoretical rigidity too. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #age

Academia: a contemporary version of medieval scholasticism that updates the scholarship while retaining the fanaticism of the dark ages. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #medievalism #age