#funny

Kate giggled. “Excellent choice.” “I always make excellent choices.” “I don’t know about that.” “Of course I do. I picked ye, didn’t I? ↗

— Whitney K.E.

#love #romance #romance-funny #romance-love #romance-novels

The lawn is the last suburban frontier. It separates us from the corruption of the street and its triker gangs. When drive-by shootings occur, our grass gets a shower instead of our windows getting water-stains. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #gangs #humor #lawns #shootings

That body is most attractive which is well proportioned: a gangly right arm balanced by a left stump, a leg suffering from elephantitis by a meatless femur bone, a tapered waist by a bulbous head. One should be so ordered that all who see this person will say: ‘This is a figure ruled by harmony. ↗

— Bauvard

#bodies #funny #humor #proportion #funny

I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side. ↗

— Anne Gracie

#historical-romance #humour #romance #funny

I can't help it, I run up to him and put my arms around him. Shocked he pulls away, just a little because my arms are still around him and he lifts my head to look at him and kisses me. "And you've been trying to act like you aren't interested." he says while smiling that smile that makes butterflies suddenly appear in multitudes in my stomach. ↗

— Sara Daniell

#funny

Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?" Adina scoffed. "Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't s ee your penis there'?" Tiara squealed and waved her hands. "Don't say that word!" "What? Accidentally? Sorry? Penis?" "Gah!" Tiara put her fingers in her ears. "What about phallic?" Petra teased. "Like, 'Yon volcano is quite phallic, Lady Tiara.'" Tiara looked confused. "Phallic means penis-like," Petra explained. "Ooh," Tiara said. ↗

— Libba Bray

#funny

What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll. "It’s called the Scream," I said. "I know that, but what us it?” Dad said. “Maybe she sleeps with it,” I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm. “Then no wonder it’s screaming,” he said. ↗

— Douglas Rees

#humor #funny

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly. ↗

— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott

#funny #humor #funny

But though it had prevailed against such fierce adversaries as fire and flood, it had fallen victim softly and swiftly to television in the 1960's. ↗

— Kate Morton

#irony #technology #television #theatres #funny

A brick could be utilized to teach the danger of procrastination. Ignoring the brick and pretending everything will work itself out is not going to transform it into a wall. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny