#funny

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. ↗

— Norman Wisdom

#born #both #circumstances #i #i was born

I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #bizarre #clones #funny #humor

Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #milk #sex

My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age

I’m crazy in love. I’m just crazy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#humor #sex #sleep #age

We made love like green is blue. That’s because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#color #colors #disinterest #funny #green

Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #hug #hugging #humor #love

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#distracted #distraction #funny #humor #listening