#funny

This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #richelle-mead #rose #funny

Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.” “I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #penis #sex #slut

(...) Since I was a kid." "Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'" "Right. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#sadness #suicide #funny

No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it. ↗

— Jessica Day George

#romance #funny

My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #steroids #funny

You know what's funny to me? Attitude. ↗

— Don Rickles

#funny #know #me #you

I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. ↗

— R. L. Stine

#comic strips #drawing #funny #i #just

Talking about someone else's life, doesn't mean you have one of your own ↗

— Dani Barclay

#funny

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. ↗

— Don Marquis

#had #listen #many #optimists #person