#funny

We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn. "Arthur," I say. The car doesn't yield. "Arthur," I say. He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper. "Arthur, our turn was back there. ↗

— Peter Canning

#ems #funny #humor #medical #funny

You get a promotion?" "I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]" "You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me." "We're a bit more subtle. ↗

— Nelson DeMille

#witty #funny

And as we leave Donne and Walton on the shores of Metahemeralism, we wave a fond farewell to those famous chums of yore. ↗

— Donna Tartt

#funny

That, and you have quite the temper." I play fully punched his arm. "Watch it, before you really feel my wrath. ↗

— August Westman

#funny

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away. ↗

— Alex Flinn

#funny-humor #funny

Every schoolteacher with a chalkboard is a groundbreaking musician, but their audiences are too old-fashioned to realize it. They’re too distracted by what’s being written to just listen. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #music #funny

If my life’s work could fit on a stamp, I’d want you to lick it before I die. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #life #funny

I asked my doctor for the best gift ever: Life. Still, he wouldn’t take one for me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

The moonlight caught the glint of his lip ring, which he was now fondling with the tip of his tongue as he stared down at me. It was a bit awkward. ↗

— Holly Hood

#life #love #new #funny

I didn’t steal Agatha’s earrings. They were floating in the air like a song, and like two musical notes, they wafted over to my ears and attached themselves. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#song #steal #theft #funny